Stay with me
by Sourcandyfantasy
Summary: Nozomi is a normal hardworking soulreaper who keeps to herself and doesn't like talking to people for the fear of getting hurt. All she wants is someone to talk to and understand her. She has a very dark and disturbing secret happening to her at home. Her dad isn't helping in fact he's the source of all her problems. The guy she loves tries helping her but can truly get thru to her
1. Chapter 1

Okay everyone so this my first fanfic ever! So first I'm going to introduce a bit of changes I've made. As it says this a crossover between naruto and bleach but there's a lot more characters I've added. Instead of the 13 court guard squads I changed it to the 18 court guard squads I added 5 more captains and lieutenants. Oh and Aizen, gin, and tosen are still in soul scociey. Also Kaien is still the lt. For the 13th division. Rukia is the co. Lt.

Squad 14 captain; Shinji Hirako

Lt. Mariah Kuchiki

Co. Lt. Tier Harribel

Squad 15 captain; Sherry Blendy(Fairytail)

Lt. Rouna Murasame(Shining hearts)

Squad 16 captain; Razeluxe Meitzen(Rikuo Nara)

Lt. Suri meitzen(Hagoromo Gitsune)

Squad 17 captain; Suzume Naomasa(Tania Doberg)

Lt. Noel Vermillion( Blazeblue)

Squad 18 captain; Olivier Mira Armstrong(fullmetal alchemist)

Tsumaki(She's a fafic character but go to bleach fanfic wikia and type her name in and I'm sure you'll find her)

So there's the new captains and lieutenants! And lastely i'd like to add Nozomi's last name isn't Kujo it's Yushima. Her father's Kageroza Inaba(Yushima), her brother's Oko Yushima her mother's CC Kujo(Her names CC and she's from Code Geass) and her uncle is Genga Yushima(he's from bleach I'm not sure what his last name is though) also I'd like to add, if you want to search up any of the characters in this story to know what they look like or whatever the reason feel free to message me and I'll give you their names and the anime their from. I haven't really changed any characters names though. Lastly I'd like to say none of these characters belong to me.

Anyway I hope you guys enjoy it, I know it may sound terrible now but I promise it'll get better when I start writing actual chapters. So enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2 Getting to know me

Hello there. As you all may know I'm Nozomi Yushima. I'm part of squad four. My father is Kageroza Yushima, my brother's Oko Yushima and I also have an uncle named Genga Yushima. All of them are in squad twelve. They love science, especially my father though. He spends all of this time there than at home. My mother died a long time ago I was only thirteen when she passed.

Her name was CC Kujo. She was also in the fourth division she was a third seat. So I guess I took after her. I have absolutely no love for science the medical field is what I love and truely good at. I don't have a seat in my squad though. You see the fourth division does things a little differently, since there is so many of us and everybody is really good, Captain Unohana thinks it's stupid to share seats, so she went and asked Head-Captain and Lady Tsunade if it was was alright. They agreed and said it was perfectly fine.

* * *

><p>I know that was super short, but as the chapter name says "Getting to no me" I just wanted you guys to know a little bit about the character and blah, blah<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Captain Unohana had called me to her office she said she wanted to speak to me about somethings that have been going on lately. As I was walking I had over heard Sakura and Ino talking about lieutenant Hinamori's ceremony. Hmm I wonder if Gaara is going or if he's even invited.I had finally reached her office but before I could knock she said come in. "Captain Unohana you wanted to speak with me?" "Why yes I did, please come in and take a seat." She gestured towards a chair. "Nozomi, I am quite worried about your recent behavior lately." She looked at me with a face full of worry and I knew were this was going and I wanted to leave and just go home.

"You have looked very down lately, more so then usual. It has been affecting your line of work and fighting capabilities, I have noticed and been told. Is everything alright Nozomi? What's troubling you?" I didn't want to talk about these things with my captain so I decided to lie to her. "I'm fine." I said. "Are you sure? You know my doors always open if you ever need anything." She gave me a warm, comforting smile. "Thank you, Captain Unohana. But nothing is wrong i'm just tired is all." I felt bad lying to her but I had to she'd never understand nobody would, so I keep it to myself.

"shall I give you a day off? Would that be better? "NO!" I practically yelled at her. I didn't mean to though. I just don't want to go home i'd rather be sleep diprived and work. She looked at me surprised and said " N-nozomi," "Ca-captain Unohana i'm so sorry I didn't mean to yell at you.." "It's fine. I'm going to give you a break anyway, you deserve it you've worked very hard. I'll report this to head-captain." I had no choice, she already made up her mind and wasn't going to take no for an answere. "Okay than, thank you captain." I said getting up and bowing. "Mhm, you're dismissed." I walked out of her office, but I just didn't want to go back home, fuck did anybody understand that?!

As I was thinking Neris had come up to me "Hey Nozomi." "Oh, hey Neris what's wrong?" "Nothing, but I was wondering are you going to Momo's ceremony? I know it's not anytime soon but still.." "Uhm, I don't know. Probably not I doubt the lieutenant would actually invite me. Are you going?" "Yeah I have to. I volunteerd to be a catereer. Plus Madera is making Amil, Airy, and I go to try and get people to buy bread. I also know who else volunteered to do something" Neris said as she winked at me. I had a feeling she was going to say- "GAARA DID!" She sung and she twirled around. "Hey stop that people are starring" Neris was aware of my affection for Gaara, I never told her she just guessed. How? I have no clue. All she said was you can tell when someone's in love whatever the hell that means. "I have to go now, Neris see you later." "Later!" She hollered and she waved goodbye.

Jeez I hope nobody heard her, I'd die if anybody found out I liked Gaara. As I started walking away from the barracks I heard someone call out my name. "Nozomi" the voice was deep and sounded all too familiar. When i turned around Gaara was standing there holding white envelopes in his hand. "G-Gaara, h-hello" "Hello. I just wanted to give you this invitation to Momo Hinamori's ceremony. All the information you need is all within that little piece of paper." " I see thank you." "Your welcome. I'll see you later Nozomi, i have to finish these deliveries, heh" his smile was enough to drive me crazy. Just being in his presence period made me not think straight.

I didn't want him to go yet, I wanted to stay with him longer. "W-why?" Really? I had to say why?! I couldn't say something like "bye" "why you ask? Well lady Tsunade asked me to since Mariah was to lazy to do it and said no. I only have to give everyone in squad four their invitations and I'm done. If you want do you want to hang out?" My face suddenly turned hot, it's been a long time since me and Gaara played- I mean "hung out" should I say yes? "Uh.. S-sure Gaara w-when.. d-do you want t-to..?" I just wanted to slap myself on the forehead. I just stuttered through that like a complete dumbass.

"Uh, Nozomi are you feeling well? Your really red, here." He started walking towards me and put his hand on my forehead. His touch sent chills all throughout my body. I was trying to keep control of myself and be still. Everything went blurry, I have no idea what happened but when I opened my eyes, Gaara and i were on the floor and I was in his lap. The envelopes went flying everywhere. When I looked up I saw his beautiful torquoise eyes starring back at me. I could feel his warm breath on my face. I grew extremely hot, I basically freaked out and flew off him. "oh my god Gaara, I am so sorry, i-i didn't mean it please forgive me." Gaara was on the ground running his hand through his firey red hair, he looked up at me and smiled.

"Nozomi, it's alright, don't worry, it was an accident." I helped him up and we collected the envelopes. "Well Nozomi, I have to hurry and give these to the others so bye" I'm so fucking stupid I swear! Who does that? Like really. Oh well, fuck it. I guess I'm going to have to go home now, there's nothing else to really do. When I walked up to the front door I sensed my brother's spiritual pressure. Why was he home? If he's here then is my dad? I flared my own spirit energy I couldn't detect my dad's so I'm good. I hope anyway. I walked in but nobody was inside and I didn't feel like playing hide and seek so I just went and sat on the couch. I layed there for a bit starring out of space thinking about what just happened not even twenty minutes ago. The more I thought about it the stupider I felt. "What are you doing?" I quickly turned around and saw Oko standing behind the couch.

"Hi brother your home early, what are you doing here?" I always felt a little nervous talking to him. "I could ask you the samething" I didn't respond to him I just turned around and started at the wood floor."But if you must know I came home early today because captain Kurotsuchi is holding a science project for squad twelve. So I came home so I could work on mine. "I see, is dad coming home?" "No, I'm the only one who wanted to come home to work on their project." "Oh okay" I don't mean to be rude but I couldnt careless what he does."Is everything alright Zomi? If there's something you need to get off your chest I'm all ears." "I'm fine now leave me alone already" I said raising my voice so he'd get the hint to leave.

He got up and told me "if you're sure than okay, I'll be in the basement if you need anything." Hmpf I layed back on the couch for a bit. I looked up at the clock and it was only 10:15a.m. all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep. Unfortunately laziness wasn't tolerated in my house though. Out of nowhere a hell butterfly appeared the message was from Lady Tsunade. She requestes my presence and come quick this was urgent! UGH! I don't want to. I don't really give a shit about what that old bitch had to say. I swear if she says anything about my behavior I will slap that diamond off her head. Okay maybe I won't do that but I'll be pissed.


	4. Chapter 4

I should pretend as if I never saw the message.. Wait, no. I can't do that. She'll find out and the bitch will be all pisssed off, and have her panties in a giant ass knot. Well, here goes nothing. I got up and grabbed my zanpakuto which was leaning on the side of the couch. As I was walking towards the hokage's office I came across the hot springs, damn it must be so relaxing! Maybe I'll come when I'm finished talking with Tsunade.

I finally reached the hokage's mansion. You know I've never really been here before, except maybe like twice. The first time was a mission assignment to the land of honey, and the second was to deliver documents for Captain Unohana. I reached the door and knocked. "Yes, yes come in!" Lady Tsunade said sounding annoyed. As I walked in all you could see were mountains off paperwork everywhere! Holy fuck! "You wanted to see me m'lady?" "Yes I did" "about what?" "I assume your captain has already spoken to you, and I bet you don't want to talk about it so, I summoned you here to ask something of you"

"and that is?" "well, you see Shizune here lost some papers of mine which are very important." - "I said I was sorry m'lady" Shizune said as she rubbed the back of her neck nervously. "So you want me to find them? But what makes you think they're still around, the wind might of blown them away." "I highly doubt that Yushima. We haven't had any winds today so with luck, they might still be around somewhere. However you need to find them before that happens." "Where'd you even lose them at? and you expect me to look around the entire seireitei?!" Bitch is nuts if she thinks i'm going to look around this shit hole for a couple of pieces of paper.

"Listen I never said anything about you doing this alone, you will have a partner, unfortunately however, Shizune doesn't remember where they could be." Tsunade said turning to her attendant. "Yes, I am very sorry about that. Here's a few places they could possibly be at;" "and where's that?" hurry up lady and tell me already.. "Well, there's the; Archive library, the dango shop, orphanage, Ichiraku Ramen, research facility, Gin Tonbo, and lastely the rukon district, which would be district 80 hanging dog south rukon."

Seriously?! Fuckin seriously man. Did she have to be in one of the most shittiest districts? Why couldn't she have been in district one? and why the hell was she even there anyways? "Uhh, lady Shizune may I ask, why were in the rukon? And to top it off one of the most dangerous places?" "Oh, well.. You see I was visiting an old friend of mine." Right "friend" "I see.." "Enough now you know where you must look. I wonder where your partner is, he is LATE!" Tsunade said slamming her fist down making a huge crack in her desk.

Who is my partner anyway? I hope it's somebody I actually like and not some stupid bitch like Ino or any of them. Maybe I should ask. "Lady Tsunade who is my p-" and the door flung open. "I'm sorry I was late Lady Tsunade I had to finish running some errands." That voice it, it belongs to G-Gaara. M-my partner is Gaara! "It's about damn time. Nozomi your partner is Gaara. You two shall work together until you've collected all five pieces of paper do I make myself clear? "Yes" we both said. "Gaara, do I need to explain the mission details to you?" "No. I heard them." "Alright than. You're dismissed."

When we stepped outside and Gaara said "Okay so we'll go search the archive library." He was about to walk off until I muttered out "uhm Gaara.." "Yeah Nozomi? He said turning around to face me. "Maybe we should split up, you know? It'll be faster.. A-and we co-could meet back here.. Gaara looked at me and smiled. "That's a brilliant idea Nozomi. You go search the Library, Dango shop, and the orphanage. I'll search the rest. We'll meet up back here and go to Rukon together, yes?" "Y-yes.." "Alright be careful see you in a bit." And he shunpoed off.

Wow Gaara is a natural born leader. He knows exactly what to do and say things just right. I could feel my cheeks getting hot. Enough fawning.

/

I finally reached the library, as I was about to go in I suddenly thought maybe they could laying around outside somewhere. I decided to check around outside. About 10 minutes of looking around I didn't find shit so i just when in. I opened the door and when I looked inside I was absolutely thrown back. Holy shit! The library is fucking huge, i'm going to be here forever, and I still need to go check out the dango shop and the orphanage. Oh well fuck it, better start looking.

After an hour of back breaking work I didn't find shit. Damn I am tired already I yawned and walked over to a table and sat down. "Nozomi?" A soft woman's voice called. "Yeah?" I turned around and saw captain Blendy. "Oh, Good afternoon Captain." "Good Afternoon. What are you doing here? I thought you'd be at home resting." She said as she walked towards the table I was sitting at, she dropped a stack of books down onto the table and sat down across from me.

"H-how do you know about me getting the rest of the day off?" "Captain's reports duh, we always know who has the day off and who doesn't and of course a lot more of other things but you get the point." "Ohhh.." I feel weird talking with a captain like this, I mean I know they're exactly like me no different just higher in rank but it feels kind of awkward. "So, what are you looking for?" "Nothing. It's not here I already checked." She crossed her legs and propped her elbow on the table and rested her head on her hand. "Are you sure? I can help you i'd like." "It's fine Captain. I have to go now anyway." I got up and started to walk off.

I flashed stepped all the way to the dango shop. I walked in. Maybe I should ask him if he's seen some files lying around here. "Exucuse me?" "Hello, welcome!" The man greeted me. "Have you seen some papers lying around here somewhere?" "No i'm afraid not, I've just cleaned. I didn't come across any." "I see, did Lady Shizune happen to come by here by any chance?" The clerk scratched his head as if trying to remember. "Oh, yes she did. She came in this morning with Anko Mitarashi and that little pig she's always carrying around." "Alright well thanks anyway.' "You're welcome, come again!" Well this leaves me with one more place hopefully Gaara has found something cause I haven't found shit.

Once I got to the Orphanage I decided to look around outside first you can never be so sure. Well as I thought not a damn thing. I walked inside and the sound if children's laughter filled the room. Well isn't this a lively place. All the kids stopped playing and one little girl "Look a soulreaper!" Great now all the kids are starring at me. "It's gone very quiet is everyone okay?" Airy Ardit said. Airy's father owns the orphanage. So if isn't at Madera's she's over here. "Oh, miss Nozomi, nice to see you again. What brings you here?"

"I was wondering if I could search around here. I'm on a mission requested by the hokage herself." 'The hokage" all the little children gasped. "Perhaps we should talk about this somewhere more private." "Yes we should. Please follow me." We walked into her father's office. "Father?" "Airy, what is it?" "We have a visitor" she moved aside so he could see me. "What brings you here ms. Soulreaper?" "I'm Nozomi Yushima of squad 4 I'm on a mission requested by the hokage. You see her attendant Shizune lost some very important. Did lady Shizune happen to come by with some files by any chance?"

"Mm, yes she did. But she had no files. She came and delivered some clothes for the children." He said as he lifted his glasses up. "Oh I see well thanks anyway." "I'm terrible sorry I could of been no help." I walked out and could hear Airy in the distance saying bye. Well I didn't find shit hopefully Gaara did though. Even if he didn't though we still have to go to Rukon. I sat on the step that leads up to the hokage's office.

I exhaled deeply it felt good to just sit down. 20 minutes had passed and Gaara was still no where to be found. I was getting thirsty and I was all sweaty. I felt something touch my shoulder. I jumped up and screamed "Oh, Gaara it's just you. You scared the hell out of me!" "I'm sorry Nozomi ahah" my face was extremely hot, Gaara was laughing at me. I looked down trying to hide my embarrassment. Gaara stopped laughing and told me "Nozomi I'm sorry I didn't mean to laugh." He put his strong hand on my shoulder "Forgive me?" He said. How could I stay mad at that?!

"It's fine Gaara you meant nothing by it. Let's go though we still have to go to the rukon. Did you find anything?" He looked at me from the corner of his eye and said "No I did not. I take it you didn't either." I looked down "no.." "Don't feel bad Nozomi. We still have one more place to look." And Gaara smiled at me. Oh Gaara you know exactly what to say to make my heart skip a beat.


	5. Chapter 5

We had finally reached out destination. We were in hanging dog. "So what now?" I said. "So what?" "I mean what are suppose to do? Look around the entire place?" "I suppose so, but remember what Lady Tsunade said, we can't go back until we find them." As we were walking down the streets you could see people just lying there. You could hear people coughing, kids crying, people cursing, dogs barking. That smell though. It was disgusting.

"Ew, it stinks like total shit here!" "Yeah, it does. It's because it's so congested here and all the pollution in the air." Thanks Mr. Know it all for the biology lesson. Nerdy guys are hot though, so I'm not complaining. Some guy walked up to us. He looked fairly young, his hair was black and spiky, he had no shirt on, and wore baggy brown pants. "Hey look everyone soulreapers!" The guy said laughing as he spat at our feet. I looked at Gaara but I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Let us threw. We mean no harm, we are just here scouting the place." The guy laughed. "HAAA! Did you guys here this punk?! "We mean no harm, we're just scouting the place." He said as he mocked Gaara.

Gaara told the dude to get out of the way again. "And if I don't get out of the way what's your eyeliner wearing ass gonna bout it? Huh muthafuka?" Gaara simply just stood there looking unfazed, this pissed me the hell off. Gaara was about to say something until I stepped in. "Listen don't you dare talk to Gaara like that you cock sucker, now move aside or we're going to have to make you." The guy smiled revealing is sharp yellow teeth. "Oh yeah little girl? What's a babe like you doing with this weirdo anyway? Look at those legs, and damn you have a poppin' ass. That robe of yours is quite revealing.' He licked his lips.

I couldn't help but feel embarrassed. I never really paid attention to my appearence, but now that I'm really looking my shihakusho is really short, it doesn't even go past my knees let alone my waist! My dad always said I looked like a slut with such a short shihakusho, I never listened to him though. But for Gaara to be hearing this from another man makes me feel mad, embarrassed, and even a shamed. Gaara told the guy "Leave her alone. I think we've had enough talk, sorry but we must be on our way. Come on Nozomi."

When Gaara was about to walk the guy ran at him, Gaara simply grabbed the guy by his arm and had him down on the ground in a matter of seconds."Now leave us alone or I'm going to snap your arm off." The guy was yelling like a complete dumbass. "Okay, okay y-you c-can go through!" "Now apologize to her for what you just said." "I-i'm..s-sorry m-miss.. Ahhh!" Gaara let the dude go and he went running like a total pussy. "Are you alright?" "Yeah, I'm fine.. Let's hurry though the sun's already going down."

We searched and searched but found nothing. We asked around, we searched on rooftops, in stores but nothing. It was already dark. "Where the hell could they be?' I could tell Gaara was irritated and pissed off. I didn't say anything I just stayed quiet, plus what could I say? "We're going to have to tell Lady Tsunade that we couldn't find them. She can't get mad at us, we did our job and searched." As we started walking I could feel my bladder getting worse. I had been holding it in for awhile but I don't think I could any longer.

"Uh, G-Gaara..?" How the hell am I going to tell him I need to pee?! "Yeah, Nozomi?" "Well..you..see..i-i..n-need..to PEE VERY BADLY!" I bet my face was super red and Gaara must think I'm weird. "Oh! Well umm" his cheeks turned a light shade of pink and I couldn't help but giggle. "You can pee over there, i'll make sure nobody looks." He said as he pointed to a bush.

"Whaaat?! I-i can't pee over there!" "Why not? I do it all the time when I have no where else to go. Just squat down." "It's not that easy, us girls actually have something to wipe. You can just jiggle your thing and you're done." What does he expect me to use to wipe myself with? My hand?! "I don't know what to tell you Nozomi. Can you hold it until we get to the mansion? I'm sure there's bathrooms you can use over there." "Yeah, I guess..." I lied. I couldn't wait that long my stomach was hurting like hell. Fuck this! I shunpoed there.

When I turned around I didn't see Gaara behind me. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell him. Then he appeared right next to me."Nozomi why didn't you tell me you were going to do that?" "Sorry Gaara, but let's hurry."

/

Before Gaara knocked on the door he looked at me and whispered "ready?" I nodded my head and gulped. Bracing myself for anything she might throw at us. He knocked and she yelled "COME IN!" "Well it's about god damn time you two showed up." "We're deeply sorry lady Tsunade, but we couldn't find your papers we searched everywhere." Gaara said. I kept my head down. Tsunade looked at Shizune and they both laughed. "Huh?!" "About that..he he, they were here the whole time! They just got mixed up with some other paperwork."

"WHAAT!" We both yelled. "Yeah, sorry about that." That bitch! "So we did that all for nothing?!" I said as I folded my arms around my chest. "Look since this was a D-rank mission and your pay was only 80 bucks how about I double it to 190 for the inconvenience?" We both agreed. "Alright now get out!" We both bowed and left. "See you tomorrow Nozomi" I waved goodbye to Gaara as I ran to the restroom down the hall.

/

As I was walking to my house I was debating on weither or not I should go home or stay at the barracks I do have my own room there anyway. I wonder if my dad is home. Oko did say that Captain Kurotsuchi is holding a science project and my dad was planning on staying all night there. Even if he does come home though Oko's there so I doubt he'd actually do anything. If he does try anything though I'll just go down to the basement with Oko and if he asks why I'm down there I'll say am interested in what he's doing. He probably won't Believe me though since I don't really give a shit about that kind of stuff.

When I walked up to the porch I tired to see if I could sense my dad's spiritual pressure but I couldn't.

I opened the door and a blast of cold air hit my face. Brrr it's freezing in this bitch! I went to the thermostat to turn down the air, but Oko came out of the basement and stopped me. "No! This place has to stay cool or else my project will melt. If you think it's cold in here you should go down to the basement" He laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head."I think i'll pass. I'm going to go take a shower." Oko grabbed my arm and said "Zomi where have you been? Its almost midnight."

The touch of his hand on my arm sent shivers all over my body. I wanted to pull away from him, but I didn't, I didn't want him to think something was wrong. Instead I just stood there trying to control my breathing. "I was on a mission." "You were, did you leave soul sociey?" "No it was D-rank. I had to look for something" "That's very great! Oh was it successful sis?!" "Yeah you can say that.. But I'm exhausted am going to bed." "Okay, Goodnight Zomi"

I walked towards the restroom, I slid the door back and locked it. I opened up the shower curtain to start the shower. I stripped myself of my garments and stepped in. The warm water was so relaxing to my skin. I could just fall asleep right now. I couldn't cause I'd probably drown. Wait, can you even drown in the shower? Probably not. I'd just fall back and break my head. No worries though. I can just heal myself! That was the awesome part of knowing how to heal, you can do whatever you want, hurt yourself, and just turn around and start healing away.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself. I felt hella better, but man it was suffocating in here. That's when I felt my father's spiritual pressure. It felt as if everything had just stopped. Damn you Oko you said he'd be gone all night. "Nozomi are you in the restroom?" "Yeah..." "Oh, do please hurry. I need it very badly" I didn't answere him. I just stood still until I couldn't feel him by the door anymore.

I dressed and quickly ran to my room. I walked backwards to my bed as I starred at the door. I undid my covers and after awhile of waiting he never showed up. I guess he's not coming after all. Once my head hit the pillow I was out.

/

I woke up the sound of my name being called. "Nozomi wake up now!" After a few more times, I opened my eyes and said "what?" Very hoarsly. "Don't "what" me, now get the hell up" I was yanked up out of bed and slammed against the wall. When I looked up I saw my father's disgusting face. "So tell me Nozomi, what did you do yesterday? Or should I say who were you with?" "Dad what are you even talking about? He just starred at me with pure disgust. He slapped me hard, the echo of the slap could be heard. I tasted blood in my mouth..

"I-i was with G-Gaara yesterday.." "Gaara? Who the hell is Gaara? Were fucking him? You were, huh?! You nasty little slut." I wanted to cry, but I couldn't if my dad saw he'd probably just beat me. "No dad. It was a mission. He was assigned as my partner." He started laughing. "Oh yeah right! You expect me to believe that bullshit lie?! I bet you were passing yourself all over the seireitei you dirty bitch."

I wanted to tell him to shut up, I wanted to grab my sword and cut his neck off. I couldn't do anything though. I just stood there looking down trying not cry. "Can I go now? I have to be at the barracks by 6:30" it was already 6:20a.m I tired to walk pass him, but he grabbed me by my arms and pinned me to the wall. He licked his lips and whispered in my ear 'You're not going anywhere."

He moved down and started kissing my neck. "STOP IT!" I yelled, trying to get out of his grasp. He used one hand to undo the knot in my rob. when it slid off my shoulders and hit the floor a hell butterfly came. It was from captain Kurotsuchi, he requested my dads presence, since today was the day they presented their projects.

"Damn. It seems our time is up. We'll continue this later. Excuse me, I must be on my way."

I slid down the wall and hugged my knees. I started crying. I hate him so much, I can't begin to tell you just how much I hate that man. I miss my mom so much. I wish she was still alive.

After awhile of hard sobbing I got up and put my shihakusho on. I slid my socks on and put my waraji on. I grabbed my zanpakuto and ran out the door. I was way late. I had to be there by 6:30 and its already 7:40 my house is quite the distance from the barracks. The longer I walked the more and more nervous I grew. All of last week I was late. Unohana's gonna be pissed.

/

I went inside the barracks trying to avoid seeing Captain Unohana. Then all of a sudden Sakura started running towards me. "Nozomi, hey." "Uhh, yea?" Sakura and I hardly ever talk and I really don't care for her, so this is a little awkward.

"Hey, I was wondering if you could deliver these papers to Captain Zaraki? Make sure to give them directly to him and not Lieutenant Kusajishi or anybody else okay?" "Okay, I understand. Why can't you though?" "Well you see.." She said as she scratched the back of her head. "Lady Tsunade summoned me immediately and well you know how m'lady can be." "Alright i-" she shoved The papers into my chest and shunpoed off.

I guess I could give these to him. Plus I don't have to face Captain Unohana if I do. I started walking to the eleventh division compound. when i walked in I went straight to his office. I knocked on the door and waited. Well what's taking him so long to answere? I knocked three more times but no answer. Where the fuck is he?!

"What are you doing?" I jumped and turned around. It was yumichika. "Where's captain Zaraki?" "He's at a captains meeting, but he should be getting back any moment now. Why?" "I have to give him these documents." I waved the files around so he could see them. "I see, do you want me to give them to him?" "Make sure to personally hand them to captain Zaraki" Sakura's voice echoed in my head. "No it's fine I'll wait here for him." "Suit yourself." And he walked off.

He better hurry the fuck up I have some serious explaining to do for captain Unohana. I leaned against the door, I don't know how but the door opened and I fell in. "Aww fuck that hurt!" I got up and walked towards his desk, maybe I should leave them here. When I was about to put them down; "What are you doing?!" "Ahh!" I jumped back from the desk and saw the spiky haired captain standing there.

"Ca-captain Zaraki, i-it's not what it looks like!" "It looks to me like you were being nosey, what exactly are you doing here?" "Well.. Y-you see sir, I was uhh.. Was de-deliving these to you, but you were-" "never mind I don't really care, what are these for anyway?" He snatched the files from my hand.

"I-i don't know sir,I was just told to bring them to you." He started to scan through them. "Ugh, what a pain in the ass!" He sighed as he rubbed his pointy chin.

Hurry up and dismiss me already damn it. "Uhh, captain?" "What is it?" "Can I go now sir?" Please say yes, please say yes.. "Yeah, but tell your captain I don't really give a shit about half the things she said in here." "Yes sir." I bowed and ran out.

/

I walked to her office. The door was cracked opened. "Ca-captain?" "Yes, come in." I walked inside, she was sitting at her desk doing some paperwork. "Oh Nozomi, what is it?" "I, uhh.. Gave the documents to captain Zaraki." She raised an eyebrow and said "Oh? I thought I appointed that task to Sakura Haruno." "Yes, but you see captain; she had asked me if I could do it for her, since Lady Tsunade had summoned her on such a short notice." "So I see, well then, what did he say?" "Captain Zaraki said he didn't really care about half the things you said in there." "Oh, he did now? Thank you Nozomi for completing a task that was not given to you. In return, I shall let you off for being late yet again. Keep in mind, if this happens again I won't be so forgiving and you'll deeply regret it. Understand?" She was smiling as if she wasn't even threatening me at all."Y-yes captain."

"Good. I am glad we have come to an understanding. You are dismissed." I bowed and walked out the door. My heart was beating hard in my chest, man wasn't captain Unohana scary.

"Nozomi, you have a visitor, he's waiting for you outside right outside the barracks." "Thank you Hanataro" 'Your welcome miss" he bowed and walked away. He said "he" I wonder who it could be.

I walked outside and saw Gaara. "Hey Nozomi" he called out as he was waving and walking towards me. Oh Gaara, just seeing his smile made all my problems vanish. I just wanted to run and jump into his arms and kiss the hell out of him. "Hey Gaara, what are you doing here?" "I was just passing by and thought of you. I thought maybe you'd like to join me? I'm going to the dango shop."

I could feel my cheeks getting hot. "Oh! Sure I'd love to go with you Gaara, I haven't eaten all day, so I'm starved!" I started to rub my tummy.

On our way to the dango shop we laughed our whole way there. For once I had forgotten all my problems. We walked inside and took a seat at a table near the back. Not long after a women came and took our orders. "Good evening, may I get you two anything?" "Yes please. I'll take the hanami dumplings." "Okay and you miss?" "I'll take the amnitsu" "Okay, your orders will be here shortly"

"So, Nozomi how's everything been?" "Everything's been fine. How about you?" "Quite good actually. I'm sitting in one of my favorite places with a very wonderful girl what could be better?" A light blush swept across my cheeks, aww Gaara called me wonderful. "Alright, here's your Hanami dumplings sir, and for you m'am here's your amnitsu." "Thanks." We both replied. "Your welcome, if there's anything you need please do not hesitate to ask." And the small women walked off. I grabbed the syrup and poured it onto the jelly, and quickly began eating. Yummy!


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey oichi look over there." Rangiku said elbowing the dark haired women in the boob. Oichi squinted her eyes as if trying to figure out what she was looking at. Then it hit her after a minute or two. "Isn't that Gaara?" Rangiku shook her head "and who else?" She hiccupped as she tilted her head back to chug the rest of her sake.

"Ummm" Oichi was chewing on her thumbnail, she honestly had no idea who that green haired girl was. Then by surprise something triggered in her brain. "NOZOMI!" She practically yelled. "Bingo!" Rangiku squeaked as she high fived her brest friend. "Do you think they're on a date? I mean look at them, they look like some happy couple." "Yeaaah, no. Isn't it obvious Oich? Nozomi is helplessly in love with Gaara, but isn't sure if he returns her feelings. My guess is, she's been in love with him for awhile."

"Wow. You figured all that out just by looking over there?!" "Weeeell, I am an expert in love. I don't mean to brag or anything but I am an excellent match maker." Rangiku flipped aside a blonde wavy lock of her hair. Oichi gave Rangiku a sexy, devilish, half smirk. "Shall we?!" Rangiku returned the half smirk."Yes we shall!" The two locked arms and happily skipped over to Gaara and Nozomi's table.

/

"Well, hello there! Pleasant seeing you two here!" Rangiku cheerfully waved along with Oichi. "Hello" Gaara smiled at the two. "Hi" I barely managed to say with a decent half smile. Why the hell are they even talking to us anyway? "Oh, I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Did I interrupt your guys is date?"

Date? Shit I wish.. "Oh, well of course not. Nozomi and I were just having a friendly chat." It seems squad 10's lieutenant is amused, to amused in fact. What is she and lieutenant Tsumaki planning?

"Uhmm, Gaara." "Yes, what is it lieutenant?" Rangiku put a hand on her chest and with adorable puppy eyes she spoke "lieutenant? No, just call me Rangiku." A little shade of pink flashed upon his pale cheeks. "Oh.. Well, if you insist than alright Rangiku." And Gaara gave her a warm little scene however, pissed me the hell off. Who the hell does this bitch think she is?

In the politest smile and voice I could manage I stood up and told the two, eyeing Rangiku the hardest. "As nice as this has been, I think it's time you two should leave. Gaara and I were right in the middle of an important conversation." Which was a lie of course. We were actually just talking about our favorite food.

"I'm terribly sorry about that, but don't you mean "we" should leave?" "Huh?!" The fuck did she mean by "we"? Rangiku turned her head around and raised her eyebrows, she cocked her head towards me a couple of times and Oichi nodded. These two were having a little conversation without words and I wanted to know exactly what they were planning.

Rangiku and Oichi laced their arms in between mine and started dragging me out of the shop. "Hey, what the hell? Let me go!" I was kicking and trying to get out of their grips, but damn let me tell you these bitches were strong. Oichi turned her head and yelled back " Don't worry Gaara we'll bring her back. We just need to confabulate with her.." "Okay. Nice seeing you again Nozomi." I could hear Gaara say in the distance.

What the fuck! Who did these fugly whores think they were? They just took me away from one of the rare chances of Gaara inviting me somewhere ever again. "Alright this is far enough," Oichi said as we approached the tenth division compound. The two unceremoniously unlinked their arms from mine, and I fell on my knees. I quickly found myself gulping as they both gave me scrutinizing looks.

I suddenly felt like a rat being corned and circled by two wildcats.

I took a tentative step back and said in a wavering voice, as I scratched the back of my head nervously. "As fun as this is I guess I'll see you two" never is what I wanted to say "later." is what came out. I managed to turn halfway around when Oichi asked, "how long have you been in love with Gaara?" I froze mid-action, my heart stopped and I could feel my heart travel up my throat in horror. H-how the fuck did they find out? I never told anyone. The only person who found out on their own was Neris, but surely she'd never tell right? And even if she did I doubt she'd go tell these two...right?

I turned around to face them but instead I starred at the concrete. I licked my lips "i-i" I'm not going to say I love him, especially to these two loud mouth bitches. They're almost as bad or worse then Ino in gossip. If I would say anything to them, then there goes my secret flying out the window. The whole seireitei would know by tomorrow.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I barely managed to force out. I lifted my head up and managed to give them the slightest smile. Rangiku walked up to me and slapped the back of my head. "Ow,ow,ow" I whimpered, rubbing the spot where she hit."THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"

She shrugged. "Just trying to knock some sense into you. I mean you must of really lost it if you think you can lie about matters of the heart to two love experts." "Love experts?" HAH! The only experts these cunts are, is spreading their legs for every guy they meet.

"What Rangiku means," Oichi explained. "Is that compared to you we know more about this kind of stuff than you do." Bitch please, I'm pretty certain hell butterflies, freakin HELL BUTTERFLIES! have more romantic experience then me.

"soo" Rangiku slithered up to me, slinging an arm over my shoulders. "How long have you been in love with our dear little Gaara? Don't worry, we won't tell a single soul." Hell does she mean by "our" and I don't like how she said "we won't tell a single soul"

Should I tell them? I mean, I don't know. Now that I'm actually thinking about it, they don't look like the type to tell someone's secret after they just promised they wouldn't. Oichi's right they do have more experience then me in this kind of stuff. Well here goes nothing.

"I-i've been in lo-love with him for t-thirty years now." I nervously whispered. Rangiku and Oichi's eyes widened as they looked at each other. Now I feel completely uncomfortable and embarrassed now that my secret is out. Suddenly, I felt myself being suffocated in Rangiku's ample bossom. "Aww, you poor girl. Keeping these feelings in for so long. Don't worry though, auntie Ran and auntie Oich will make everything better."

I flailed my arms around. "I cmpf breth" _i can't breathe. _Oichi decided to join the hug fest, wrapping her arms around us both. Me in my oxygen deprived state, wondered just how many glasses of milk did these women drank, in order to have gained such large breasts. I feel like such a child compared to these two. Also, oxygen would be very nice right about now. As what seems like an eternity the two finally pull away and I dramatically gulp for air. As my head clears and I blink away the fuzzy spots I hear snippets of their whispered conversation.

"Poor thing"

"Could help"

"He might not"

"It's worth a try"

"I don't know"

"Thirty years"

"That guy needs to get laid, so does she"

"True love is more important"

Whatever the hell those two were arguing about was resolved when Oichi turned around and proclaimed "I have a plan." "A plan?" Rangiku and I echoed. I was truely curious how the hottest woman in soul society and Oichi once married, her husband however, died in battle many years ago. So I never met him. He was the former captain of squad 18 before he passed.

"Meet us at the kuchiki manor the day after tomorrow." Oichi said. The kuchiki manor? Why over there? "Well, Nozomi you can leave now. See ya in two days hun" and I walked away from the two as they waved goodbye. You know I do feel a little bad, for all the names I called them.

Maybe they can help me after all.


	7. Chapter 7

I really want to talk to someone and ask their advice on whether or not I should take up Rangiku and Oichi's offer. But the sad fact of the matter is I don't really have anyone to talk with. I should speak with captain Unohana about this. Wait no! It's kind of depressing to have to talk with your captain about these kinds of things because you have no one else. Actually, maybe there is someone I can talk to.

Neris, she always wants to know about my social life. Yeah! That's a perfect idea. I shunpoed all the way to the fourth division barracks. I ran inside and went straight to her dome, which all rooms are located on the bottom floor.

There was a pink paper taped on the door that read; '_Neris Filliam's_ room' it was decorated with hearts and bow and arrows. Which makes sense because her shikai is a bow. I knocked under the paper, careful not to rip it off the door. I highly doubt if I just knocked I couldn't possibly rip it, but just to make sure.

After a few moments later she opened the door. Her hair was out of her usual braid, it was tied back in a high pony tail. She wore a rather large purple shirt that had music notes decorated on it in multi colors with matching pajama pants. "Hey Nozomi, what a pleasant surprise please come in." She held the door open for me as she stepped aside.

I walked in and the first thing I saw was pink! The room wasn't big at all it was basically just a huge bedroom with a kitchen and bathroom. The walls were a hot pink, there was a huge heart shaped bed almost in the middle of the room. The bedspread had a bunch of different designs and lots of different pillows laying on it. There was a dark pink fuzzy rug underneath the bed, in the right corner next to the door held a bookcase along with a stand to put her zanpakuto on, a small closet with clothes, and pictures and posters filled every wall.

There was one picture of her Amil, Airy and Madera in front of the bakery. Also, she had a grandfather clock, a rack full of belts, and jewelry. A large desk was against the wall with a small cup full of pens,pencils and markers, there was a huge book in the middle and a small table lamp hovered over it. In the center of the room held four large bean bags. One was shaped as a blue,fuzzy monster with spots, another was white with poka dots, the next was pink in different shades, the last had baby turtile designs on it.

"Wow, you have a pretty room. Do you like to read?" "Yes I love it! Please take a seat, would you like some tea?" "No i'm fine, but thanks for asking." I took a seat in the white poka dotted bean bag and quickly sunk into it. "Oh okay if you're sure. So what brings you here?" I really have no clue how am going to spill this to her.

"Well, uhmm.. I want to ask your opinion on something." "Oookay, what?" "As you know I like Gaara-" "LOVE!" She protested. "Whatever. Anyway, me and Gaara were at the dango shop and out of no where lieutenants Matsumoto and Tsumaki appeared." I explained everything that had went on and what was said.

Neris sat there listening to every little word I had to say. "If you want my advice, I'd say follow your heart. If you want to do this than do it, because I know how much you care for Gaara. So don't let this opportunity fly over your head, okay?" She paused, then continued. "But if you don't do it you're going to wish you had, maybe not now but in time you will."

Wow, Neris really does know what she's talking about, all this time I thought all the lovey dovey things she'd tell me were just shit..guess not.

She's right. If I pass this up I'll just be regretting it for the rest of my life. And to be entirely honest, I don't really feel like living in regret. "Thanks Neris. I have a big decision to make." "Hey no problem, that's what friends are for." She laid her small hand on my shoulder and gave me a bright smile. I felt something in the pit of my stomach that I never felt before, it was mushy and fuzzy I couldn't explain it.

"If you ever need to talk to someone or just a shoulder to cry on, please don't hesitate to call me. I'm just one Jigokuchō away." "I won't. I have to go now, to think things over. See you tomorrow." And with that she walked me out and we said our goodbyes. I stood there for a bit trying to comprehend what I was feeling. "That's what friends are for" her voice echoed in the back of my head. She called me her "friend" and she meant it to.. Is this what it feels like to actually mean something to somebody?

/

Since I had loads of free time i decided to go to the hot springs. Awe man, this is going to hit the spot let me tell you. I was about to enter the women's dressing room, until..

"Where do you think you're going?" A soft female's voice called, appearing behind me. Making my heart leap. The only reason it scared me was because I knew exactly who it belonged to, and when I turn around I bet they're not going to be a happy camper.

"Ca-captain Unohana!" I said as I turned quickly on my heels and bowing oh so perfectly, it was just a matter of routine I did in the captain's presence. "Where do you think you're going? I never relieved you of your shift. Can you please explain to me why you think you can just come and go as you wish?" I could sense captain Unohana was getting upset.

"Well...uhh..I..uhmm.." I was sweating and stuttering, and her piercing gaze wasn't helping at all. The only thing it helped was making me even more nervous then I really was. "I-i... I'M SORRY M'AM! I really am, it's just.. I.. I don't know what am thinking or even doing anymore. I just...don't know.." I could feel it my tears were about to burst out of my eyes. The more I tired to hold them back the more I lost control and couldn't.

I fell to my knees and put my hands on my face and Began crying into them. Loud, hard sobs came out. It felt good to just let it all out, let out all my tension. "N-nozomi.." Captain Unohana bent down and held me. "Shh, shh, it's going to be okay..." This action made want to cry even harder,its been so long since i had a mother's touch. It felt so foreign, so unreal. But gentle and warm at the same time. She cupped my face into her hands and lifted up my chin so I could meet her eyes.

"Let's go to my office, there we'll have some privacy, and you can talk to me there sound okay?" I sniffled and nodded my head. It felt so eccentric being that open with somebody but also, in a way it felt some what relieving.

/

We got to her office and I took a seat in the arm chair. "Nozomi so tell me what's on your mind?" I sat there looking down,I gripped the hakama of my pants. I didn't know where to start there was so much. After a while of silence and thinking of where to begin, I started to tell her about how after my mother died everything just seemed to fall apart at home. "I knew your mother, she was a strong, independent women. It was a tragedy her death.." I then told her about how I'd play with Gaara and his siblings. Temari never liked me. Why? I don't know, (she's just a grumpy bitch). Kankuro would force me to eat bugs.

I told her about Gaara and I entering the academy but quickly grew apart when I entered the court guard squads. She sat there listening to me. It felt nice to have somebody to talk too. I told her about my affection for him and me growing more and more fond of him and just eventually falling for him. And about Rangiku and Oichi and what they suggested and later seeking advice from Neris.

"See isn't that better?" "...huh?" "Doesn't it feel better to get that all off your chest? You seem a lot calmer." She's right I do feel relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. But there's just so much more. I could never tell her nor anybody for that matter. "There's a lot more though isn't there Nozomi?" I stayed silent I couldn't bear to look at her. She exhaled deeply. "If you don't want to tell me then don't, I won't push you. Whatever this is it's very painful and is the root to your problems. If you ever want to talk come to me or if not you have Neris, but don't keep this all in, because eventually it's going to be to much to take and you're going to snap. So please just talk to someone if you ever get to that part point promise me that."

I took everything she had just said in and she's right. "O-okay.." I muttered out. She exhaled again and slightly shook her head. I got up out of the chair and bowed to her and left. I couldn't explain just how good I felt, it felt nice to have a sudden change of heart for once. I was walking down the halls and went to the women's restroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror and saw huge bags under my eyes, the sclera part of my eyes were red as if I had been crying, my nose was a blush pink and puffy. I looked tired as hell if anything. I turned the faucet on and cupped some cold water in my hands and splashed my face, I did this twice. I turned the water off and put my hands on the sides of the sink and look down into the white sink watching the water swirl into the drain. My bangs stuck to my forehead, water trickling down my cheeks.

"Oh, Nozomi.. What have you done now?" A soft female voice purred out, "Were you and Gaara playing rough again? You've gone and scrapped your knee." "I-it's stings mother, please make it better!" My mother bent down a long strand of lime green hair falling over her shoulder and touching the ground as she bent down. "Sweetie be patient mommy will make everything better. Give me your hand Zomi" she grabbed my small hand and placed it on my knee, she put her soft, strong hand on top of mine. "Now look" Green energy appeared around our hands and the scrape began to disappear.

"Wow! It's gone, how'd you do it mommy? Teach me! Teach me!" My mother laughed innocently. "You'll learn soon enough my darling. Didn't mommy tell you she'd make all your pain go away" she said with such a huge smile full of life and tenderness. I ran and jumped into her arms and nezzeld my head into her chest. "I love you, you're the best mommy ever!" "I love you two sweetie." She wiped my tears away. "Go and play with Gaara, he's going to have go home pretty soon." "What?! No, no please can Gaara stay a bwit longer!?" "If you go and play with him then yes he may." "Yay!" And my child self ran off into the distance.

Take away the pain my ass.. Why couldn't you still be here and take all my pain and suffering away? I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent the tears from rolling out. Why'd you have to go and die?...

I picked my head up and started to comb my hair out with my fingers so I'd look at least a bit decent. I walked out of the women's restroom and walked to the back of the barracks and sat under a white plum tree enjoying the silence. It wasn't extremely hot outside, there was a cool breeze passing by and brushing against my face. My eyes started to droop down.

I felt somebody sit next to me, I opened my eyes and looked to my right and saw Nova sitting there with a picture book in her hands. She looked up at me and smiled. "Oh, hey Nozomi. You looked as if you were dozing off so I didn't want to wake you. Do you mind if sit here?" "No it's fine, i don't really care. I was just resting my eyes for a bit." I said scratching the back of my neck. "Anyway what are you doing here reading if you should be working?" She shifted her gaze off the pictures and looked at me.

"I could ask you the same thing. If you must know though, I'm on break and this is usually what I do. Sit under this plum tree open up a book and begin reading." I raised my eyebrow at her, "reading" right. All she's doing is starring at a picture book made for small children. "Why? Why don't you go visit your mom and dad?" I mean really who the fuck wants to waste their time reading?! When you can simply just do something else more entertaining. She sighed and closed her book. "Is it a problem how I spend my free time? Plus I see enough of my parents at home why the hell would I want to go visit and see more of them?" "Why don't you go and see your aunt and uncle?" "Because I don't want to, I spent all last week over there and that was one crazy ass week. If you knew my aunt and uncle Kukaku and Ganju you'd understand." She said chuckling a bit. "I see.." "Yip. Why don't you go home for your breaks?"

I really didn't want to get into detail why I don't go home for my free time, but Nova told me (in a way) why she don't so I guess I can tell her. "Well, simply because my dad and brother are at their own barracks and I'd be home alone...and it gets pretty boring." "Shoot, your Lucky. I'd rather be home alone, which I probably would be if it wasn't for my asshole dad. He made it very clear he doesn't want me home alone since I had friends over last time who completely destroyed the place."

To be honest I envy Nova she has it all. She has a loving family, her mom is still alive, she doesn't have a nasty dad who does sick things to her. Which I'm sure Kaien wouldn't ever do that to his own daughter. And she has a cool aunt and uncle, my uncle is a complete dick head. so yeah, she has absolutely nothing to complain about. She has what a lot of people long for.

"I don't see what you're complaining about, you have it all. So what if your dad doesn't want you to have friends over, I can understand why he doesn't. I mean if my daughter invited some friends over who destroyed my house I wouldn't want her home alone anymore either." Which is true, if my daughter destroyed my home I'd kick her ass all over the place. Now that I think about it, I think that's why she had to go to her aunts for a while. Kaien thought that would teach her some discipline, which I'm sure worked cause she hasn't thrown any parties in awhile.

"And who the hell are you two say anything? HUH! Nozomi? Your nobody special and your sure as hell ain't better than me. So shut up cause you know nothing about what's been going on." Nova said. I could tell she was getting mad, her eyes always get wide when she's angry. "Maybe I don't but still." "But still NOTHING!" She yelled. She was clenching her fists. "You know Nozomi you're the last person I'd expect to be talking since your mothers dead and your being neglected at home." She had a sly grin on her face. What? Did Nova somehow know about how my dad treated me? Wait, no. That's impossible nobody knows.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I was trying to hide my nervousness of her somehow knowing, but I doubt I'm doing a good job. "Quite playing stupid. You know exactly what I am talking about." Nova knew exactly what she was talking about, the glint in her eyes told me right then and there she knew.

I couldn't look at her I was to ashamed to. "Heh, that's what I thought. So you don't deny the fact that your own father violates you?" I stayed quiet I hugged and buried my face in my knees trying to muffle my cries. I've never seen this side of Nova before, who knew she could be so cruel. Nova was always that polite kind of shy girl who had a wild funny side who everybody loved. But of course like everyone else she has quite a nasty side, well i shouldn't say nasty since she never really lost her temper and is never really mean to people. But if she doesn't get what she wants she'll throw a little temper tantrum until she gets it.

In battle it's a whole different story. She's serious and doesn't mess around especially if she's trying to save someone's life. And she doesn't carelessly hurt people either. So what has gotten into Nova for her to day such things. "I bet you're wondering how I know? Well, I'll tell you." I wanted to tell her to shut the hell up she couldn't possibly understand, byr every time I tried it felt as if nails were being shoved down my throat.

"As you already know Kukaku Shiba is my aunt quite the bad ass I must say. Anyway she has ties and those ties know everything and anything about everybody no matter how secret you may think you are being, you may think nobody knows what goes on behind close doors but these ties do... My aunt and your mother were pretty close friends, so about the second night I was there she had asked me if I knew you and I told her I did and how she knew who you were and she replied by saying she was one of your mother's closest friends and she was there for the birth of you. But she could never really see you or mom because your dad didn't like your mom talking to anybody. When your mother had died your father didn't want anybody there to pay their respects. Aunt Kukaku had heard everything went downhill for you and your family. So she decided to see how things were going after your mother's departure, but knew your father would just shoo her away. So she decided to contact those ties and see. They had told her that your father invested himself in drugs and became an alcoholic and takes it out on you through beating and sexual abuse. Your brother well they didn't really know since he never talks about it and seems to always be at whore houses and has no idea what's going on with you because he's to caught up in his own problems. And then there's you. You don't speak up for yourself for the fear of not being believed, you just don't know what to do so you isolated yourself from the rest of us.."

Nova had stopped talking there was sympathy in the tone of her voice. Well it turns out Nova knew exactly what she was talking about... I had no idea my dad did drugs. I did know he was an alcoholic though.

"What a sad life.. How can you put up with such torture?.. But you know Nozomi you need to learn the truth about your family's background. I'm not going to be the one to tell you, you need to either figure it out yourself or have your brother or uncle tell you cause your dad sure as hell isn't going to say anything. I have to go, need anything you know where to find me." And she with that she walked off.

What does she mean by the truth? I must of fallen asleep because when I woke up it was already night. My head was hurting, i had a foul taste in my mouth, and my legs hurt. I was still under the plum tree, I got up but the moment I did I was so dizzy. I stayed standing up and used the tree as support so I wouldn't fall, I waited until my head was clear and I started to walk home.

I couldn't really see, so luckily I knew this path like the back of my hand. My vision was getting hazy and I started to see black spots, I was getting light headed. Everything went black and that was it.

When I woke up I was in my bed. I don't know who brought me home but whoever they were went through all of the trouble of putting my pajamas on and even put my zanpakuto next to my bed where I always have it.

"It's about time you've woken up." Uh! Its my dad, did he bring me home? "I was on my way home until, I saw you lying on the ground. So I brought you with me. I hope you don't mind , or would you have preferred to stay there for tonight?" He had that disgusting sheepish grin. That bastard! He undressed me and put my pajamas on while I was unconscious.

I couldn't speak my throat was dry and I was holding back my tears, he had violated me yet again...

I managed to say very hoarsely "i-it's fine.." I didn't know what to say.. When I tried to sit up I couldn't, I couldn't move my legs or arms. "What did you do to me?!" I practically whispered. He started walking towards me. "Heh.. Oh that? Yes, your arms and legs are bounded to that bed with kido bindings." He started to chuckle while saying it with a huge grin. My heart skipped a beat upon hearing those words,what scared me more was that I knew exactly what was coming next. My body went limp and I felt heavy I turned my head and shut my eyes and said "you disgusting pig.."

He laughed but said nothing. He was at the end of the bed by my feet rubbing them. "You know Nozomi, we can make this pleasurable while it lasts or we can make this very unpleasant, I prefer to make this pleasurable for both me and you. Don't you agree my dear?"

I wanted to scream out for Ōko but I couldn't my voice seemed to disappear and to make up for that I shut my eyes and imagined myself far away from me and what was going on. He started to move up my legs and rub my thighs ..

I was paralyzed I couldn't move or speak and I hated me for allowing myself in such a position. He moved his way up pulling my nightgown up. He moved his hand up and down my stomach, his touch made my stomach clench and made me sick. He tore my nightgown exposing my bare chest all I had left was shreds of my gown and my panties, hoping to keep those on, but sadly that was false hope.

He touched my breast circling around them and pinching my nipples. All he had on was a pair was saggy grey sweat pants. He got on top of me and started to lick my neck. "C'mon Nozomi, at least pretend to be enjoying this , make some noise give me some encouragement.." He stayed silent for a while starring off into space. He finally snapped out of it and spoke "you know... Your mother really enjoyed this when I did it to her."

This statement made my blood boil and for once I had found my voice and with evey bit of courage I had within me I yelled "I'M NOT MOM! YOU SICK PIG THIS IS WRO-" he had slapped me before I could finish. It had happen so sudden, the pain started to sink in and I could feel my eyes stinging with tears.

"Shut you disrespectful brat, how dare you speak to your father like that" "how dare you touch your daughter like that.." I muttered out. He slapped me even harder then he did before, silence filled the room and all could be heard was his hand slap against my face. My eyes watered, my face throbbed.. I didn't know what to do the pain i was feeling in my face was all I could concentrate on. He pullled my underwear off and began to do his evil deeds. I just layed there, nothing I could do, tears dripped down my face automatically.

I must of fallen asleep. When I woke up I was in the middle of the bed curled up in a ball naked, the restraints were gone and my blankets were on the floor. My body ached and my face hurt. I shifted my gaze to the left to look at the digital clock it was only 3:48a.m

I got up and my entire body hurt like hell. I opened my door slowly and walked down the hall quietly and swiftly to the bathroom. I gently closed the door and flipped the switched on. I looked into the mirror. My short green hair a mess, my purplish - red eyes drained of life and color, bags played under them, my cheeks stained with tear marks, my left cheek was red and swollen. My arms were covered in bruises so were my sides, legs, and thighs, my neck was filled with hickies.

I couldn't stand to look at myself. Surely this wasn't me right? It had to be someone else, it had to be. My back hit the wall and I slid down to the floor. I hugged my knees and buried my face in them. Crying silently, daring not to let a single peep out, fearing my dad will hear and come and beat me. He was using me, pretending I was my mother.. I hate him, I really do. How can he do this to me? How can someone hurt their child in such a way? I get it, you miss mom but that's no reason to do this.

I sat there crying for awhile. I finally got up and turned the shower on. I got out, grabbed a towel, dried myself. And went to my room, I threw it into the hamper and put on some fresh clothes and went to bed. I wanted to sleep and dream myself the hell away from here.

* * *

><p>sorry it took so long I was pretty busy this weekend. But it's finally out. So tell me what you guys think of it so far? If I need to change anything or improve my writing or if you like it. I'll greatly appreciate it!<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

I was standing in a meadow it was dark and the moon was shining. I was wearing an old white button up shirt that stretched down to the middle of my thighs. I hugged myself since it was quite chilly, how did I even get here? Then I felt a familiar presence to familiar but I couldn't lay a finger on who it belonged to.

"Hello? Is someone there? If so show yourself.. I don't know where I am or how I got here.." Nothing. I started walking north maybe then I will find somebody. I continued to feel that presence, I pretended it was just all in my mind, because as far as I'm concerned i'm the only damn person in this place. But to be honest it was warm, it didn't give me any reason to be afraid, If anything and I know this is crazy but it felt as if it wanted to protect me.

"Nozomi" a women's voice echoed into the wind. I jumped up and looked around. "Who's there?!"

"Nozomi" she kept echoing. "Nozomi this way, follow my voice." Her voice echoed in multiple places it was as if the wind was carrying the voice all around me, circling me..

Finally, I worked up the courage and ran the direction the voice was calling me. I reached the end of the meadow and a sudden change of environment took place. I was on a cliff. I could feel the ocean breeze, it was so refreshing and it smelt so delicious. I looked up ahead and a women was on the very edge. I could only see the back of her but she had long lime green hair that flowed with the wind, she was wearing a white laced night dress that went above her knees with spaghetti straps. "I see you've finally come." Something struck me. This women.. Who was she? Her voice was so familiar, but why couldn't I figure out who she was nonetheless if I even knew who this women was. I wish she'd just around already so I could see her.

"Wh-what do you mean? Who are y-you?" She stayed silent for awhile, as she turned around she said; "Do you really not remember your own mother?" Mom?! Is that really her? Or is this just some sick joke? No! It's impossible it couldn't be her, could it? "M-mom?" She smiled and held her arms out. Like a little child I ran into her embrace squeezing her, making sure she wouldn't leave again. Before I knew it I was crying. She rubbed the back of my head. "Ohh sweetie how I've missed you so dearly. There, there, I'm here now, you're okay I promise." Being in my mother's arms after such a long time felt good, i felt like a kid again and that made me happy.. She layed her hands on my shoulders and pulled me back, looking at my face she wiped my tears away.

"You certainly have grown! Look at you! You're beautiful! and you're almost as tall as me." She chimed as she rubbed my left cheek. I couldn't help but smile an actual smile this time. "Well I did get my looks from you anyway, haha!" "You most certainly did my love" the smile had vanished from her lips as she turned my head and saw my right cheek. "Nozomi, what happened to you? Who did this?" It seems no matter what I do I cannot escape my father

"Nothing.." I whispered as I turned my face away from her. She let me go and walked towards the edge of the cliff and sat down, she patted the right side next to her and said "come sit with me." I gladly did as she said. For quite some time we sat in silence observing the beautiful scene that layed out before us. My mom was the first to break the silence. "Nozomi..I.. I know it's been lonely for you.. I was lonely to once, but you and you're brother came along.. You two have made my life worth while, i love you two dearly and it pains me more then you'll ever know when you're sad and hurt."

I didn't know what to say I was filled with so many mixed emotions. So instead I sat there looking at the glistening water. "Hmmm, please tell me what is going on at home I cannot help you if you do not voice your problems." I closed my eyes and inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to figure out how to explain this mess to her. "Well, everything started about a month after you died.." I told her how all of us seemed to drift apart, how Ōko would always leave and not come back for days, he'd neglect his work, and sleep with so many women that I lost count a long time ago. How my dad turned into an alcoholic and would take out all of his anger on me through beatings and rape. I shunned myself away from everybody..

She sat there looking down, playing with her fingers, she took a deep breath and chocked down a cry. "I'm so sorry.. You don't deserve any of this.. You or your brother. Your father's a hopeless case he needs help. He was always so controlling never wanting me to be with friends, he even got mad when I'd go out on missions. Nozomi please don't end up like me, don't stay please leave and never turn around and look back. Tell someone so he can be caught and brought to justice. Don't isolate yourself from Ōko all you have is each other please be as close as possible. Does Ōko know what your father does to you?"

"No.." "Tell him! So he can help you.. Or.. Or if not him someone else. Promise me you will" I looked straight at her face, she looked so sad her eyes filled with her hurt and sorrow. "I promise I'll tell on dad!" And I meant it I will tell, maybe not now or tomorrow but I will. "Good.." "...mom.." "Yes?" "What really happened when you died?" She turned her head away from me and muttered "what did you hear?" "That you and a few seated members went to provide back up and heal the wounded against abnormally, powerful hollows but nobody survived and without a trace those hollows vanished along with you and everybody else who was there. The only thing they found of yours was the little lion I gave you that you kept on the hilt of your zanpakuto."

She shook her head and laughed silently. "Who told you that?" "Everybody.." Wasn't that the truth? But I knew deep inside that wasn't true, my mother was a strong women who wouldn't go down so easily especially to some hollow. "Who's everybody?" She asked sounding a bit irritated. "dad, ōko, unlce Genga, lady Tsunade and head captain." I'm sure all of them knew the truth and kept me in the dark.. Maybe perhaps they thought I couldn't handle the truth?

She shook her head "that is not true." She paused and bit her lip. "There were strange sounds coming from the world of the living. Thinking they were just mere hollows head-captain dispatched a few low ranking officers. When they didn't return, head-captain sent out higher ranking officers which consisted of only third seats. I was the third seat of the fourth division at the time, so they sent me out to heal all the wounded. As I was passing through the dangai I was getting an awful feeling, I knew something horrible was about to happen. When we finally reached the human world I felt immense spiritual pressure. It was something I had never felt before, it was quite abnormal and evil. When I got closer I saw they were not hollows. They were spirit beings just like us. They had chains on their wrists, neck, and upper arms. I knew then that they were togabito when I saw the gates of hell.." She took a long breath..

"I wanted to know how they got there and how they managed to break out of hell. I quickly shook all thought out of my head and ran down to heal my fallen comrades while the other's went to fight. It seemed no matter how long and how hard I tried I couldn't heal them and before I knew it all my comrades were dead..

"I was the only one left.. I didn't know what to do I was frightened, but I put my fear aside and did what I had to do as an officer of the gotei 18 and fought them head on. I wasn't strong enough though.. I.." She was trying to choke down her cries. Her body was shaking and she had her hands on her thighs, her head was down, her teeth were gritted together and no matter how hard she tried to suppress her tears they came rolling down her cheeks.

"...I... After what seemed like hours of pointless fighting, one took me by surprise and grabbed me from behind while the other questioned me... He wanted me to tell him the secrets of soul society... I told him I honestly had no idea of any secrets the soul society kept and even if I did I would never tell.. He got angry and told me that I could join the rest of my dead friends.. As he trusted his sword into my chest, the other ripped apart my limbs.."

My heart was rapidly beating in my chest, no wonder they were so reluctant to tell me how my mother died, it was..horrible..

"How about we talk about something more lively shall we?" She asked as she smiled at me. She was trying to get us out of such a gloomy atmosphere. My mother was always so happy and always wore a smile on her beautiful, tender face. But the most sad and damaged people smile the brightest I suppose.. And I hope one day that I too can have a beautiful, bright smile just like my mothers! Now put that aside I'm going to tell her about Gaara.

"Okay then.. So anyway, you already know Gaara.." "Yes I know Gaara, You had a little crush on him when you guys were little!" She started to giggle to herself and I couldn't help but giggle too. "What about Gaara is he alright? You know he was such a cute little boy and quite the gentlemen I must say, a trait he got from his father I assume. Hehehe!" I smiled at her. I couldn't help but picture Gaara's father in my head. I wonder how he's been I haven't seen him in a long time.

"Yesterday these two girls Rangiku Matsumoto and Oichi Tsumaki came up to Gaara and I while we were eating at the dango shop, they practically dragged me out of there and took me to the tenth division barracks. They said they wanted to help me with my ever lasting love for Gaara. Tomorrow I meet with me. I already spoke with my friend Neris about it and she said I should take them up on their offer and don't let fly over my head."

She looked at me with a huge smile plastered on her face and she hugged me tightly." That's wonderful sweet heart, I'm so happy! Gaara's such a sweet boy he'll treat you right. I say don't let this opportunity slip!" "My baby girls finally growing up!" She squealed more to herself then at me. "Really mom? Yo-your happy about it?!" "Of course I am silly why wouldn't I be? Does Gaara know about this?"

"No he doesn't. You see their trying to help me open up to him so I can actually work up the nerve and confess to him." "Ohhhhh, I see now! Well I'm very happy you have friends that are willing to help you. You know I haven't seen Karura in so many years, I'm sure she'll be just as happy as I am for you two love birds!" I could feel my cheeks getting hot and I had butterflies in my stomach '_You two love birds!" _ My mother's words echoed in my head. I wish... I really do wish that Gaara felt the same for me.

"Yes I'm sure she'll be just as happy.." I didn't know how I felt I was so happy to finally get the chance to talk her again and tell her about these things. I couldn't help but cry but this time a cry of joy! "You know Nozomi you can tell your friends about your father. I'm sure they'll do everything in their power to help you. You don't have to tell all of them just tell one you really trust and im sure that person will help you, okay?"

I nodded as I sniffeld and wipped my eyes. She stood up and pulled me along with her, she hugged me tightly and kissed me on my forehead. "Don't cry my love.." She said as she started to wipe my tears away. "Don't cry, you're to pretty too cry my darling." Her eyes were glistening with tears as they slid from her eyes onto her cheeks and dripped from her chin. "I love you so very much I hope you know that.. Our time is up..." "What? Wh-what do you mean?" "I'm inside of your dream and our time is up. I am using a forbidden technique to see you. Please tell your brother I love him. Come here, one more hug!"

I stayed in her embrace not wanting to let her go. "I love you to mom.." And I woke up. I lifted myself up in a sitting down position and looked down at my bruised wrists from the kids restraints. "So it really was a dream.."


	9. Chapter 9

I looked at the clock it was 6:52a.m. hmmm... I didn't feel sad in fact I was so happy I finally got to see my mother again and talk to her, nothing could make me happier! I got up from my bed and walked towards the restroom I flicked the switched on and slid the bathroom door shut. I looked at myself in the mirror, I put my hand over my bruised cheek and began healing it along with every other bruise on my body. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Today's my day off so I won't bother putting my shihakusho on. Instead I'll wear my red skirt that is thigh length with a cream colored cardigan over it. I slipped my black knee high socks on and put my brown shoes on that I purchased from the world of the living.

Since it's still so early I'll go for a run or something. As I was about to walk out of my bedroom a sudden thought hit me, I turned around and looked at my zanpakuto which was leaning against the wall right next to my bed. I wonder if I should take it with me, maybe not I'm not going to need it. I quickly paced through the house careful not to wake ōko or my father. When I opened the door a slight breeze passed through me, the air smelt so fresh. It reminded me of the dream I had last night, it was so real..

So today's the day I meet with Rangiku and the others. GOD, I'm so nervous! I don't even know who's going to be there. Plus, I've never really spoken to any of my fellow peers. Of course I've seen them around, and we just fought a huge battle against some guy who rebelled against soul society. But other then that I've never really conversed with any of them, so this is going to be super awkward.

When I looked to the side I just realized I was standing in front of Gaara's house, and I have no FREAKIN clue how I ended up here. A part of me wanted to go knock on his door and just flatly lay it out on him and tell him how I feel. But another part of me didn't want to and that half of me was my cowardly part, the one that won. What if Gaara doesn't feel the same what then? He'll just think I'm a creep, laugh in my face and send me on way and I'll die from embarrassment, I could never show myself in public again.

I started to walk towards the kuchiki grounds maybe their there already, I doubt it though. Their all snuggled up in their beds having pleasant dreams. I wonder if Rangiku and Oichi were even serious about this anyway. I bet they were just saying that to get a rise out of me. Then again maybe not, maybe they do want to actually help me. Why? I have no clue, out of boredom perhaps? Who knows.

When I got to the front gate a guard stopped me. In an angry voice he said, "Who are you? What do you want?"

"I..uhm...I"

"Hurry and speak girl or leave now"

"Rangiku Matsumoto had asked me to meet her here.." I quietly mumbled. These guards sure were scary.

The two guards looked at each other and the one who questioned me earlier spoke in a more calm voice this time.

"Are you Nozomi Yushima?"

"Yes.." I quietly yelped. My face was hot with embarrassment. I didn't want to stand here and keep talking with these assholes.

"Hurry up and get inside the gate then!" The other guard firmly exclaimed.

He practically pushed me in and slammed the gate behind me. Jeez what a couple of assholes.

Where am I even suppose to go? This yard is so huge. I started walking towards the front of the mansion when I finally reached the door I knocked a couple of times. I stood there and folded my arms around my chest. Nobody answered. I knocked again but nothing. Maybe there all asleep or something. I was about to walk away when the door opened. I turned around and came face to face with Hannah Anefolez the head maid of the kuckiki house.

"May I help you?" She asked with her stone face never changing expression nor the tone of her voice.

"I'm Nozomi Yushima. Rangiku Matsumoto asked me to meet her here." Hopefully she's expecting me. Since that guard was obviously aware that I was going to show up sooner or later.

"I see, I'm terribly sorry for such a long wait. Please come in." She stepped behind the door and I entered. She slid the door closed and walked in front of me. Wow this place is beautiful lots of pictures. I'm assuming there all of family members. We came to a stop at one of the many long halls. At the end hung a huge portrait of an elderly man his arm was wrapped around an elderly women. In front of the elderly couple were a younger pair. The young man had his arm around a petite women holding an infant in her arms, and next to her was a young boy standing with his arms crossed. I'm guessing that boy is captain Kuchiki and the infant is Mariah.

Hannah must of noticed me starring at the portrait because she remarked, "that portrait hanging there is of the former head of the clan lord Genrei along with his wife lady Biwako. The pair in front of them is Lord Sojun and his wife Lady Kozuki. The infant she's holding is lady Mariah, and the young boy next to them is now lord Byakuya."

So that's what Mariah's parents look like. Her mother is absolutely stunning. Captain Kuchiki looks exactly like his father. And of course I've seen the former captain of squad six Ginrei Kuchiki his picture is hanging in of the of great halls of the first division barracks along with every other captain who has served the 18 court guard squads.

We kept walking for awhile and took several secret passages. Just where the hell are we going?

"Where exactly are we going?"

"I am taking you where lady Kuchiki has requested, now please remain quiet for the rest of the way."

Jeeze bitchy much? We finally arrived to two huge twin doors the hall was pretty dim since we had only candle light to give us way. Hannah stepped in front of the doors and laid her hands on them as she was about to push them open she turned her head towards me and said;

"I hope you have memorized the way here, because if I cannot guide you here one day you are going to have to guid yourself."

Before I had time to speak she pushed the twin doors open (with impressive strength I must say) The bright light bursted from the room as the doors opened. When I walked inside there was a huge circular gray table in the center of the room along with a marker board in front.

In the following order these people sat; Center; Mariah, to her right Rangiku, Oichi, Momo, Sherry, Nanao, Yachiru, Yourichi, Soifon, Nova, Suri, and Sakura. Were all these women involved?

"Well, finally you've arrived, I was starting to get rather board down here." Mariah sighed as she layed her elbows on the table and rested her head on her hands.

"Yes, we are all very glad that you have decided to come. Please take a seat Nozomi." Rangiku chirped as she motion me with her hands to go over there.

The rest of the women were talking, writing and setting up the table. Rangiku ran up to the board, grabbed a pink marker and wrote at the top in bold pink letters "** BOYS 4 DUMMIES!" **as she wrote I looked around studying the women who invested them selves here in helping me. To be honest when I imagined a bunch of women hatching a match making scheme this isn't exactly how I pictured it.

It leaned more towards 'psychotic slumber party' like earlier the women were setting up the table that featured a perfect diorama of the seireitei and were taking notes and pointing things out and perfecting their 'strategy" if you ask me this is more comparable to a military operation.

I scanned the room and I just couldn't see why half the women in here were here. Not many were to interested in this line of commodity. I could see why some were here though like; Mariah she's beautiful strong and not to mention her and Shuhei Hisagi are a major thing! The entire seireitei had been boasting about the two.

Captain Sherry Blendy I could see why as well. She is quite the flirt and is currently engagd to a guy named Ren Akatuski.

Yourichi, she's beautiful and can get any guy just buy simply smiling for them.

Suri, she's married and has two children and I'm sure she knows a lot about young love. I mean she was young once to, maybe several thousand years ago but she was young once to. And in love at that. One would only assume,she did marry captain Meitzen after all.

Sakura, she's strong, beautiful, and confident. I think she knows a bit more then any one else what I'm going through. It was no lie she'd been in love with Sasuke Uchiha for the longest time. So she knows how it feels having a one-sided love.

Also, let's not forget about Nova. She has a lot of crushes and is almost every guys wet dream. She also has a lot of experience In the dating Poole. As is she's a former girlfriend of Kiba Inuzuka, Izuru Kira, Ikkaku Madarame and even dated Shuhei Hisagi.

As for the rest like Nanao, Momo, Soifon, and Yachiru, well Yachiru's only here for the candy. But aside from her those three don't really fit. Well maybe Momo. No doubt she has a huge crush on her captain, she's always up his ass and possibly even stalks him, but put that a side I don't really know Momo so I can't say much. I only know half this stuff because Ino and Sakura have huge mouths and I hear them gossip about everybody everyday. In case you haven't noticed I'm kind of a looser here.

Yachiru was stuffing her face with candy and was drawing a picture of me and Gaara holding hands. I must say it made me feel a little weird but at the same time it was just damn right adorable.

Rangiku had grabbed my attention and started to lecture me on how to get Gaara to notice me. It was surprisingly good advice. It didn't involve me changing my appearence or trying to look cuter/sexier but to be confident in myself, which obviously I'm not..

"First of all talk about things he loves, that way when he's thinking about that, he'll be thinking of you." Rangiku wrote her instructions on the board under the label "**BOYS 4 DUMMIES!"** "I know i said looks aren't important" said one of the most beautiful woman in society.(though Yumichika is adamantly against the title.)

"But scent is. You might want to try wearing a little perfume. Not too much or else you'll smell like a cheap whore. You also want to talk about things you love. It has been proven that people are most attractive when they speak about things they're passionate about. Oh! and strut when you walk."

"Wait, what?!"

Rangiku shrugged as she shook her head. "I read it in a fashion magazine once. Said something about if you walk like a model he won't be able to keep his eyes off you."

I'm wondering if all of Rangiku's advice is coming from cheap old' girly magazines. I rubbed the back of my neck, still trying to wrap my head around this whole freakin scheme.

"Alright, attention everyone." Lieutenant Ise stood in front of the board erasing Rangiku's advice.

In a way I kind of feel as if I'm in a war meeting.

"All of you have been gathered here for this special task funded by the SWA"

Well that explains why Yachiru's here, but if that's the case than why aren't the others here as well?

"To help our fellow member capture the heart of Gaara."

"This isn't just to help Nozomi. But to help Gaara as well. I've known him since childhood and I'll say for a fact that Gaara has had a rough life, and it would do him some good if he had somebody like Nozomi." Sakura turned towards me and smiled.

"Soooo what's the plan?" Nova asked.

"Step 1" Nanao wrote on the board as she talked. "Everybody will have to bring a date. Naturally, he'll want his sister to get him a date or even insist on going alone. I will speak with Temari and Kankuro and fill them in on what we're planning."

Hearing what Nanao said about Gaara wanting Temari to hook him up with a date or even going alone, smashed my self confidence, but it does sound true.

Since I did sign for this I'm determined to see it all the way through even if it does fail and burn to the ground. To be honest I'm really nervous about Temari and Kankuro hearing about has never liked me, even as kids she would completely ignore me or sometimes she'd even pull my hair and kick me. Kankuro used to force me to eat bugs and he'd always scare me with those stupid puppets he'd always make.

"Step 2" captain Blendy wrote."Is to start getting him to think of you as more than just a childhood friend. Yachiru, head captain and lady Tsunade will be involved."

I can't really see head captain getting involved in things such as this. Lady Tsunade I could totally see. She loved a good gossip and getting involved with her subordinates love life's, since she don't have one.

Yachiru hopped over the large table and hugged me. Her chocolate fingers no doubt left a stain on my clothes.

"Yay! I get to say nice things about you to Gaar!"

"That's very kind of you." I said. Wrapping my arm around her and rubbing her pink hair.

"As the lieutenant said, they will be tasked with saying up lifting things about you. While they are the main components in this phase of the plan, we will be recruiting as many as possible to help."

I felt my heart stop, I didn't like the idea of everybody else knowing. It already seemed as if everybody knew my feelings. I don't want the whole seireitei gossiping about this poor girl helplessly in love with her childhood friend. It would be even worse if the plan fails.

Nanao took charge again, and adjusted her glasses as she began. "Stage 3 will be the non-make over, make over."

The dark haired women received blank stares,including myself as well. She sighed in exasperation. Suri stood up as if knowing what Nanao meant.

"We're going to take her dress shopping. That way she'll look beautiful on he'd date with Gaara. This isn't meant to change her normal appearence in anyway but is going to enhance her features for one night."

"Ooohhhh!" The women in the room gasped as if finally understanding what she meant.

So I was right, Lieutenant Meitzen does know what she's doing after all.

"The final stage or stage 4 will rely solely on Nozomi." Mariah said with a half devilish smirk. This made me hug Yachiru a bit tighter.

Continuing mariah spoke "Confessing to him on their little dinner date or during or after the ceremony. Whichever one she chooses."

"Oh and this may be all fun and games." Momo added "but if this ruins my night in any way shape or form you will not like it." The small lieutenant said smiling. Though something told me she wasn't joking around in any way and I found her a bit intimidating with the burst of strong, suffocating spiritual pressure she let off when she said it.

"I will be speaking with Gaara's siblings for the rest of the day." Nanao called over her shoulder as she left.

Yachiru struggled out of my arms and leaped over to the door. "I'm gonna start telling Gaar nice things about you right now! And maybe he'll give me some candy!"

At least she's honest about her motives. The other women had left with the exceptions of Yoruichi and Soifon.

I had eyed them warily. Captain Soifon looked rather content for once, probably delighted to be asked to help with such an important mission by her dear lady Yourichi. Yoruichi looked like the cat who ate all the canary. Entirely to smug and happy for the situation. I gave them a half smile when they passed me. I walked to the huge double doors and let myself out.

/

Nanao sat at the Yakiniku Q, which was quite odd since she hated BBQ very much. She heard this was one of the favorite places Kankuro loved to eat at so she decided to give it a shot.

When Nanao looked up she saw Temari and Kankuro rounding the corner. Temari was in her usual attire which consisted of; a short sleeved black kimono that reaches down to her legs with slits along the sides, with a revealing neckline. While she retains a red sash around her waist and has fingerless black gloves. She was carrying her giant fan on her back as usual.

Same as Temari Kankuro was also in his usual attire. He had a black top with black trousers, and a red sash around his waist, he also was carrying his puppets on his back. They both took a seat at the opposite side of Nanao.

"So, why did you call us here?" Temari asked sounding a bit annoyed.

"Alright then let us get straight to the point. Nanao layed her hands flatly on the table and crossed her legs." How do the both of you feel about Nozomi Yushima?"

Nanao made sure to study them very closely. Temari and Kankuro looked at each other and bursted out laughing.

"She's alright I guess. I don't typically care for her though. why?!" Temari asked in a demanding manor.

Nanao raised her eyebrow and looked towards Kankuro "and you?"

"Weeeell.. She's okay. I haven't seen her in a while, so I don't really know. She was cool to hang around as a kid." Kankuro chuckled lightly as if remembering something that had happenend a while back.

Nanao cleared her throat and asked the two siblings " how would you feel about Gaara and Nozomi together?" She emphasized the last word hoping they'd understand without further explanation.

She felt as if Temari already knew of Nozomi's feelings by the way her eyes glinted when she asked. She hoped Kankuro would understand as well.

Temari was about to say something until Kankuro blurted out "I don't understand what your asking when you say '_What if they're together' _don't they already work with each other?"

Before Nanao could further explain, Temari cutted in and said "No you idiot she means romantically, and no they don't work together dummy.. And if you ask me I don't really care. I've been aware of Nozomi's feelings for Gaara for almost two decades now. If Gaara returns her feelings then fine, let them be together."

Nanao turned her head towards Kankuro waiting for his response.

"I agree with Temari. If Nozomi wants Gaara and Gaara wants her then I don't see why they can't be together."

Wow, they're more laid back and understanding then Nanao anticipated. She expected them to be furious and jealous but man, she's glad she was mistaken. She even felt a bit silly for bringing her zanpakuto along just in case. She giggled silently to her self and explained everything to them, once she was done she starred at the two waiting for their responses.

"That's just stupid!" Temari banged her fist against the wooden table. " I don't see why she can't just grab her own balls, man up and tell Gaara herself. Instead of putting you guys into all kinds of bullshit work. But if the crybaby can't even do that then I guess I'm on board."

Nanao was a bit appalled at Temari's response, but then again she wasn't. This was Temari she was speaking to and she was known for her blunt way of speaking.

"I'm with it!" Kankuro stated cheerfully "I'm glad my baby bro will finally have somebody to be happy with!"

"Good, so you'd like to help us in this endeavor?"

"Obviously" Temari responded coldly.

"What would you like us to do?" Kankuro asked.

"Since both of you are a major in this.." And Nanao began to explain to the two yet again.

Telling by Temari's facial expressions as Nanao told them their role in this little plan, she could tell Temari thought it was nothing but a pathetic little joke. Kankuro however, was fully committed to this.

"Do we have an understanding?" Nanao asked starring at the both of them.

"Yes!" Kankuro had a huge smile plastered on his face.

Nanao could tell he really wanted to help his younger brother in love. Temari though was a whole nother story.

"Yeah I'm in it, but I have one condition."

"And what's that?" Nanao asked as she raised her eyebrows.

"I want to take her out for dinner. It's only natural don't you think? If she's going to be my sister-in-law it's only fitting."

"Of course" Nanao agreed.

The two siblings got up and left, Nanao sat there for awhile thinking..


	10. Chapter 10

"What! She wants to have dinner with me?! Why?!"

"Since your going to be her sister-in-law, so she said. Though I doubt that's the reason." Nanao said.

I think we all knew that wasn't the truth. Temari isn't the type to go to fancy dinners and get all dressed up.

"Either way, you're still going. Your gonna show that girl what's up and She can't boss you around. Got it?" Yourichi asked.

"Got it!" Somehow when I'm around all of them I get a strong sense of confidence that I never knew I had.

"You can do it!" Everyone hollered.

Maybe they actually do believe in me..

"You should go home and get a full rest you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow." Oichi said as she walked towards me and patted me head.

"She's right. Go home and rest yourself, be here by 10:00 sharp!" Nanao added.

/

When I got home I headed straight towards my room. I sat on my bed and took off my shoes. I fell backwards and sprawled my arms out. I'm so nervous I don't know what to expect. I want to know what Temari is planning. Why would she want to have dinner with me? She hates my fuckin guts.. Maybe she's going to threaten me and tell me to stay away from Gaara. I wouldn't doubt it. But to be honest I don't really care what Temari says. I love Gaara, always have always will.

Saying those words gave me butterflies in my stomach and my chest pounded and hurt. What if Gaara doesn't love me back? What I'm I going to do next? I could never face him again. My life would be over. I'd have to leave soul society. Maybe I could go to the world of the living or some place else far away. Or I could just-

My door opened softly and Ōko stepped inside, he closed the door behind him and walked towards my bed.

"What are you doing in here?" I whispered to him.

He sat down next to me on the edge of the bed and said;

"Tell me Nozomi, what is going on?"

I had no clue what was going on but Ōko looked pissed the hell off.

"What do you mean...?"

"DON'T PLAY STUPID" he yelled.

I couldn't help but flinch, Ōko hardly ever raised his voice, especially at me. Anger burned in his eyes. I never saw him this way before.

He started calming himself down and after awhile he said " look I'm sorry.. Its just.." He paused for awhile. " I know you've been hiding so many things from me and I'm sorry if you feel as if you can't talk to me.. But know that I'm your older brother and my responsibility is to protect you from danger and always be there for you no matter what. But I've failed you, and I'm really and truly sorry... But Nozomi please, i'm here now so tell me, I want to help you.."

I swear I saw a tear run down his cheek. I wanted to cry too, I wanted to be close to my brother, I wanted a relationship with my brother like, Gaara and his siblings.I had to tell him about dad and so many other things but there was so much and I didn't know where to begin. I could feel my heart beating in my chest and that ache along with it. I wonder if Ōko could also hear my heart beat as well, it was pounding so hard I could probably imagine he could.

"Okay.." I muttered out quietly. I cleared my throat and began. "Everything started about maybe a month after mom died..."

When I explained everything to him his expressions changed from; guilt, anger,sadness, and empathy. When I finished I stayed quiet and tried my best to look away from him, I couldn't bare to hold eye contact with him. He stayed quiet, too quiet and a little to long, then finally he spoke;

"I-i can't.. I don't.." He was chocking on his own words, unable to say full sentences.

Then out of nowhere a strong pair of arms wrapped themselves around me, and I knew he was crying by the way his body kept shaking. I couldn't help but to cry myself. I felt save in my brothers arms, as if nothing could get me not even my father.

All along this is what I've been yearning for, my brother's love and protection. I knew my mother would be happy if she could only see us now.

"I'm sorry I'm such a worthless excuse for a brother, I should of been there when you needed me the most, but yet I abandoned you while I was being stupid. I promise you though things will change, I will change. I will be that older brother you can depend on."

He was rubbing the back of my head, my face was in his chest, his strong muscular arms wrapped protectively around me. I said nothing I sat there in his warm embrace, allowing my hot tears trickle down my cheeks onto his shirt.

"I'm going to kill that sick fuck for what he's done to you." Ōko said in a low growl pure hatred and disgust filled his eyes and the tone of his voice.

I pulled back and told him "No! You can't!"

He starred at me surprised and yelled "WHY? HE DID UNFORGIVABLE THINGS TO YOU, BUT YET YOU STAND THERE TRYING TO PROTECT HIM!"

I was thrown back by his words. Me protecting my dad? No. I just didn't want to tell on him yet. I want to try and get with Gaara first, maybe if I do succeed I can be happy with Gaara and forget my dad. So no, I'm not trying to protect my father far from it, I'm simply just trying to forget and be happy for once. I finally have friends who will help me, I finally learned the truth about my mother, and I can finally build a relationship with my brother what could possibly be better?

"I'm not trying to protect him" hiow could I explain this to Ōko and he possibly understand? "You couldn't understand even if I told you.."

His eyes widened in disbelief. "Nozomi what are you saying?"

Maybe the way I said things gave Ōko the wrong idea?!

"This is...is WRONG..He's your FATHER!" Ōko yelled.

"No! I-it's not wh-what you think."

"Yes it is. You've grown feelings for father and now you don't want him getting in trouble but Noz-"

"NO!" I practically screamed from the top of my lungs.

Hearing that made my stomach twist and turn, like I just got shot in the stomach with a cero. My face was hot from the imagine Ōko made me imagine not even a minute ago. In my most calmness and collected voice I told him

"That's disgusting. That's not it. It's just.. I can't explain it to you. But please Ōko promise me you won't tell on him, I want to be the one to do it, not you."

He looked at and nodded his head slightly in acceptance. "Fine. I won't say anything. Promise though that you will tell... When you're ready."

I nodded my head and smiled. He pulled me into a tight hug. Then I remembered the dream about my mom and how she wanted me to tell Ōko that she loved him.

"Mom said she loved you.." I whispered to him so casually as if she wasn't even dead.

I felt his muscles tense up, he gave a long sigh and he pulled away and looked me straight into the eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

Maybe if I tell him about my dream everything will start making a lot more sense.

"Last night I dream of mom.. We were on a cliff.. She was telling me how much she loved me and she wanted me to tell you she loved you very much.."

Ōko smiled softly something I hadn't seen in a long time he told me goodnight and left my room. When he left I fell back on my bed and that night I fell asleep with a smile on my face.


	11. Chapter 11

I woke up at 10:00a.m I laid there for awhile trying to blink away the sleepiness, I knew I had to do something but for some reason I just can't remember. Then it hit me like ice, cold water splashing me in the face. "10:00 sharp" Nanao's voice fiercely echoed in my head. Fuck,fuck,fuck I jumped out of bed and threw some random clothes on and patted down my hair and bolted out of the front door. I shunpoed all the way to the Kuchiki grounds. The guards let me in and I ran straight to the door. I didn't have to knock though cause Hannah was outside watering the plants in the front yard.

"You are late. M'lady isn't going to be happy about this." She said never looking away from watering the plants.

"I know I'm sorry.."

After a few moments she set the watering can down and stood up dusting her maids dress off. She turned around and walked inside and I quickly followed her.

"Close the door when you enter."

I did as she said and we started walking. I made sure to memorize the path this time. After about 20 minutes of walking we finally got to the twin doors and Hannah pushed them open with her impressive strength. when I walked in I looked behind me but she had already disappeared into the darkness.

"It's about FUCKING TIME!" Mariah yelled as she threw a huge book at me, but I instinctively dodged it by ducking under.

"Well at least you have quick reflexes if anything." Mariah remarked.

"Well at least she's here, right Nozomi?" Rangiku said as she flipped her hair.

"I guess.." I told her.

"Temari wants to meet with you at 6:00 so that gives us more then enough time to prepare." Nanao said. "I consulted with the head-captain and the hokage and we all have permission to go to the world of the living to dress shop."

"Actually that won't be necessary"

Everybody turned towards Nova and gave her their undivided attention.

"What do you mean?" Nanao questioned

"I hope you don't mind but I took it upon myself to go dress shopping last night and I bought a total of three dresses that I thought Nozomi might like."

"That was sweet, let's see them!" Momo squealed.

"Yeah.." I muttered out as I rolled my eyes.

I don't really like the idea of someone else buying my stuff especially clothes, I like to be the one to buy my own things.

Nova went to the back of the room and pulled out the dresses from their plastic wrapping. The first one was black, the second was red, and the third one was green.

"I want you all to keep an open mind alright?"

She pulled out the black one first. It was a strapless ambre party dress. It featured a ruched strapless sweetheart bodice with sparkling crystal beading at the empire waist. A layered tulle skirt with ambre shading.

"Oooh" all the women echoed.

"Oh my god, that's super revealing!" I'm pretty sure my eyes were bulging from their sockets.

"But it's sexy, chic, and sophisticated." Sherry shot back at me.

"Go try it on in that room." Nova said as she pointed to a small closet room across the room. She shoved the dress into my arms and I walked to the small room.

When I walked in a giant mirror took up most of the wall. The flooring was marble and the walls were colored white. Many pictures took up the rest of the walls. An old portrait hung in the back of a samurai in old Japan armed with bow and arrows. That portrait must of cost a fortune. A table was pushed up against the wall with papers piled up on it. I layed the dress down onto the table and began to strip out of my clothes.

I put the dress on and I don't look that bad actually, but this isn't something you wear to dinner when you are meeting the love of your lives sister. This is more of a party dress. I walked out and everybody starred at me, underneath all of their gazes I started to feel self conscious.

"Awww!" everyone said.

"You look pretty!" Yachiru said leaping toward me and giving me a tight bear hug.

"Aww, thank you." I said returning the hug.

"spin around in it." Oichi said as she made a spinning motion with her finger.

I happily did as she said and did a few spins. I felt like a little girl playing princess.

"It fits on nicely, now try on this one." Nova threw the red one at me and I went back to the dressing room.

This one is a short scoop red neck dress with long sleeves. It has flirtatious slits in the long sleeves of this short scoop neck dress gives it an extra flair while delicate side ruching creates a figure flattering silhouette.

I actually like this one it fits me perfectly and gives my body a sexy look, I just may pick this one. Hopefully everyone likes this dress as much as I do.

I take a few deep breathes and step outside. Once everybody sees me their jaws drop. It felt good to be the center of attention for once. It made me feel really beautiful. Like I was a goddess even the most beautiful women in soul society had her jaw dropped. I couldn't help but blush a little.

"Wow you look stunning!" Rangiku chirmed as she grasped her hands together.

"I think that's the one." Sakura cheerfully added.

"Don't forget though that she has one more." Soifon rained down.

"Absolutely beautiful" Momo said in awe.

"Thank you guys" I replied back. I never felt so beautiful in my entire life. Truth be told I have never received a complement on my appearance before so I really don't know what to say.

I grabbed the last one and returned into the dressing room. I carefully peeled the red dress off me and put it back into it's plastic wrapping. I took the last one out of it's plastic and lifted it up so I could examine it and let me tell you I was not a huge fan of this one. It's ugly! well maybe it's not to bad maybe I think it's ugly because I already made up my mind on which one I want.

It was a short spaghetti strap summer dress with multi colored poka dots and it went all the down to my ankles. To me personally it looked like an old lady dress. I did a few twirls into the mirror before I stepped out.

"What do you guys think? I personally don't like it."

"Yeah, that's ugly." everyone agreed.

"What the hell were you even thinking when you picked that one anyway Nova?" Sakura said turning towards Nova.

"Hey! It was Nozomi I was shopping for after all." she said throwing up her hands in the air.

"Well, that is true.." Nanao said pushing her glasses up.

"Screw you guys!" I said throwing a random book at them that I found on the table.

"Hey, that's my book you're throwing!" Nanao squealed out

"And what?" I bickered at her. She just went and said that about me so why should I care about her stupid book.

"You can't just go and throw somebody's book like you think you can."

"Yeah well I just did. What are you going to do about it huh?!"

A vein popped out of Nanao's forehead and she gritted her teeth together.

"Oh yeah.." She said through gritted teeth as she stormed towards me.

Soon we started to argue about something stupid and pointless as a book.

Momo interrupted our little argument and mumbled out "I think it's actually pretty cute"

"Then you keep it, take the dress off Nozomi and give it to Momo since she likes it so much." Nova told me.

"Fine i'll go change out of it but not because you told me to but because I don't like the way it feels or looks on me."

I marched to the dressing room and stripped out of the ugly dress. I put my clothes on and gathered all the dresses and walked out.

"So did you find the one you want?" Nanao asked.

"Yeah, I want the red one."

"Give me the black and green one and i'll go return them."

I walked up to Nova and gave her the dresses.

"Hey um, how much did they cost and i'll pay you back."

She laughed and said "It's cool, I wasn't the one who bought them my dad did."

"Oh.. So he was okay with buying expensive dresses? Keep in mind Nova i did see the price tags and $700 each isn't exactly cheap."

"HAH! Dude chill, if you saw the price tags then why did you offer to pay me back? A pour fuck like you couldn't possibly pay me back 2100 dollars."

I clenched my fists together and glared at her but what Nova said is true I couldn't pay her back not even if I wanted to I didn't have that much money, and the little money we do make goes to house expenses.

"Don't look at me like that you know it's true. Plus he got them for free he's pretty close friends with the manager at the dress shop. So yeah."

I guess I feel a little better now. knowing that Nova's dad lieutenant Shiba didn't spend 2100 dollars on me.

"and not to be rude or anything but did you even bother taking a shower and brushing your teeth today? Because they stink and you're hair looks like total shit."

Wow thanks Nova for being so nice and making me feel good about myself.

"You can use one of the showers here" Mariah said.

"Thanks but I need my toothbrush and I don't have any clothes here."

"Nonsense. We have plenty of unused tooth brushes and toothpaste, you can borrow some of Rukia's clothes I'm sure she won't mind, and lastly we have a bunch of hair brushes so you need nothing."

Jeez bossy aren't we? I kind of wanted to go home and shower in the comfort of my own bathroom and home.

"Please hurry though Nozomi, we have a lot of things we must do and cover for tonight." Oichi told me.

/

I walked into one of the many bathrooms they had. When I stepped in I was completely token back, it was absolutely beautiful. It put my crappy little bathroom to shame. The walls were plain white, the floors were so squeaky clean I could see my reflections. The sink was white and huge it looked like a miniature bathtub was stuck to the wall and the mirror was pretty gigantic as well. Four racks of towels were lined up against the right side of the room. In the center was a huge bathtub and over it was a circular shower head that was attached to the ceiling. There little to no decoration. There was to plants that clung to the left side of the bathroom wall. There was a small knock at the door. I walked towards the door and opened it.

"Yes?"

Hannah was standing there with clothes in her hands as she looked down.

"Sorry to bother you Ms. Yushima but here's some fresh clothes that lady Kuchiki had me deliver to you. She said that you could have them. She handed them to me and bowed.

"Thank you very much." and she walked away.

I closed the door and locked it. I assume these belong to Rukia considering that the panties have chappy on them that little bunny she likes so much. I lifted the shirt up only to find out that it's not a shirt but a black dress. Why did they give me a black dress? I decided to brush it off. I set the dress down and walked towards the bathtub. How the hell do I work this? There's no handles for the shower or is this only a bathtub? but if that's the case then how come there's a shower head above it? Ohh, there's the handles on the outside of the tub, silly me.

I adjusted the handles and water started to pour down, I stuck my hand in the falling water to see if it was okay. After a minute or two I found the right temperature and I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the shower/tub. I sat down and allowed the water to fall on me. It felt amazing to just sit here and relax. After awhile of just relaxing, I started to wash my hair and body. I turned off the water and got out I grabbed a towel and dried myself.

I grabbed the chappy panties and put them on. It felt weird to be wearing Rukia's panties but for some reason I kind of liked the idea of it and I don't know why. I grabbed the dress and wiggled my way into it. It was a short black dress with a textured tiered. Each tier was lined with beaded details and little sparkles. You know it really didn't look bad on me I actually liked it. But I don't have any shoes to go with it and I'm sure my brown ones will look funnier then hell. I grabbed a blue hair brush and began to brush out my short green hair. I picked up the white and red toothbrush and squeezed the minty toothpaste on it and began to brush my teeth.

"HURRY THE HELL UP NOZOMI! OR I'M GOING TO BREAK THIS GODDAMN DOOR DOWN!" Mariah yelled as she pounded on the door. I'm surprised it hasn't busted open with the force she's hitting it with.

"Okay, okay i'm done just stop banging on the door."

"Then FUCKING hurry, and don't you dare order me around in my own home missy."

I opened the door and told her "Happy?"

"Ecstatic, now lets go" she grabbed me by my wrist and started to drag me down the hall.

"Where are we going?"

"To get your ass ready for tonight's events."

She slid open the door to her room and all the women were sitting or lying on the floor with the exception of Yoruichi and Soifon.

"Where's lady Yoruichi and captain Soifon?"

"They went to go run a few errands." Nanao answered.

"We are now going to make you presentable for tonight!" sherry said as she shot up from where she was sitting. "Lets make Temari jealous and show her just how pretty you truly are!"

"Cha! I agree!" Sakura said as she punched her fist into her hand.

"In case you were wondering why we gave you a dress it's because you'll be wearing that to dinner tonight." Suri said as she walked towards me.

"But I thought I was going to be wearing the red one. What was the point of trying on those dresses then?!"

Suri inhaled deeply and said "I see you're confused allow me to explain; The reason we had you try those dresses on was so you can choose one for the ceremony not for tonight. Did you honestly think you were going to be dressing that fancy for a pesky little girl?"

well I guess that does make a little sense.

"Enough chatter let's begin to work on your hair and make up." Nanao took charge and everybody began to do as she said.

After they had finished I looked at myself in the mirror. I was stunned. I had to touch my face to make sure that the person in the mirror was really me. For once I totally thought that I looked beautiful. Me, beautiful. My bangs were pinned away from my face with a gold beret, my lips glistened with lip gloss, my cheeks a light pink with blush. A silver diamond necklace was added. The dress fit just like a glove it outlined my body beautifully. Captain Blendy had loaned me her black high heels.

"You look absolutely amazing!" Momo said in awe

- "let's see her try and top you now"

- "You show her whose boss!"

-"You look so stunning"

The women were saying.

"Thank you guys so much, this means a lot." and it really did mean a lot without them I wouldn't even dare face Temari but now I think I can, no not "think" but I can!"

"No sweat just helping a friend out." Nova said patting my shoulder. I looked up and smiled at her and she smiled back.

Rangiku came up behind me and gave me a tight bear hug. "Group hug!" she called out. Nobody came and joined in only Oichi did.

"Okay, okay I can't breathe!"

"sorry.." they both muttered out as they stepped away from me.

"Alright, everybody attention!" Nanao called out. Everybody stopped talking and turned towards her.

"It's about time you should be heading on your now." she said.

"Whaaat?! you expect me to walk all the way over there?!" she's crazy if she thinks that. Before Nanao could say anything Mariah butted in.

"No dumbass, I have arranged for you to be escorted there."

"By who?!" I really hope Hannah takes me if anybody, because I feel more comfortable around her, but if not her then I hope it's a girl and not a guy. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against guys but I feel really exposed and well I would just feel better if a girl took me.

As if she's reading my mind she smiles, showing off her abnormally sharp canine teeth which makes her smile look all the more twisted.

"CLUADE GET IN HERE NOW!" She yells out.

I knew it, I just knew that bitch was going to do something like that. So typical of her, why else would she be smiling? She knows exactly how I feel about being around men when i'm totally exposed like this.

The door opened and a tall handsome man appeared. Okay I must say, I always thought that Claude was really hot, and having him take me makes me feel really insecure.

"What is it my lady?" the butler asked. His left hand behind his back and his right across his chest as he bowes down to his mistress.

"I want you to take Nozomi to her little dinner date. You don't have to wait for her, just take her, drop her off, and come back. Is that clear?"

"I suppose I could make do. Is that all my lady?"

"Yes, you can get out now."

He bowed, and looked at me "When you are ready I will be waiting outside." and with that said he walked out.

"Do I really have to go with him? why couldn't you have Hannah or Mey-rin take me?" I ask Mariah with pleading eyes.

"Or you could just walk. I don't have to have Claude take you y'know. So quit being a crybaby fuck and just go!"

she gave me a death glare and I glared back at her but I just couldn't stand it anymore, her glare burned through me so instead I looked away and yelled "FINE!" before I stormed out of the room.

Ugh that FUCKING BITCH I CAN'T STAND THAT DUMB WHORE!

I stepped outside and walked through the gates and there stood Claude just waiting around for me.

"Uhh, how are you going to take me?!" I ask him, I see no carriage or anything for us to ride in. Aren't nobles suppose to have those kinds of things?

"Simple, I'm going to carry you of course."

Carry me?!

"What,no!"

before I could turn and run he moved to fast and had me in bridle style.

"Holy shit, you're so fast."

"When you've worked in this household as long as I have you'd probably know why."

He's not only quick but he's strong as well, I can't even get out of his grip and it looks like he's not even trying. We finally arrive at the restaurant, he put me down gently and I dusted myself off. Before I could turn around and tell him 'thank you' he's gone. I took several deep breathes and tried to slow my heart rate. Here goes nothing. I opened the door and went in.


	12. Chapter 12

"Reservations for Temari please. Wait, Ino! What are you doing here?"

"Oh hey, Nozomi. Yeah I know it's my part time job my dad thinks I need to be more responsible, so he got me this job. Even though i'm a full fledged soul reaper and I work at my family's flower shop it still isn't enough for him."

"ohh, wow.." I don't really know what to say to that.

"Yeah it sucks balls! You look sexy who are you meeting?!" she asked as she stepped from behind the desk and wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"If you must know I'm meeting Temari."

"WHAAAAAAA?! I had no idea you two were gay, I thought she was with Shikamaru but guess not."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, no!" I guess nobody's bothered to tell Ino, surprising. I was sure Sakura would have gone and ran to tell Ino, but I guess not.

"You see Ino, i'm meeting Temari tonight to see if-"

I don't know if I should tell Ino this, it's really none of her business and i'm sure she'll go and tell, you know what, I don't really give a fuck if anybody finds out or not i'm so tired of always worrying about that.

"To see if she'll go out with you?"

"what? no, eww! I'm meeting her tonight to see if I have her approval to date her younger brother Gaara."

"Ohhhh, now I understand. Well follow me and i'll show you your table."

We went into a secluded area in the way back of the restaurant. The room was covered by a black curtain in the far back.

I took my seat and thanked Ino.

"You're welcome. And good luck, you're going to need it."

and with that she walked off. Not long after I saw Temari through the thin black curtain. It seems she didn't bother getting dressed up. Her hair was how she normally wears it and she had no make up on not even a little lip gloss. She wore a simple long black dress with spaghetti straps and a slit that showed her whole left thigh, and she was carrying her giant fan with her. Great I didn't even think about bringing my zanpakuto with me.

"I see you got all dressed up for me, I'm flattered." she remarked as she sat down.

"Yes, I also see you went as far as to wear a dress as well."

She smirked, "It's been a long time, and after all these years now you decide to make a move. What makes you think Gaara feels the same?"

well, she likes getting straight to the point as always.

"I don't know if he does, i'm willing to find out though. That's kind of the point as why i'm here right now."

"Why go through all this bullshit when you can just tell him yourself, if you ask me I think it's ridiculous." she said as she poured her whine into the glass.

"You find it ridiculous but you couldn't understand, yes it's stupid that those women are going through all of this trouble to get me with Gaara, but I never asked them too.. They just offered it to me, and still..-"

"but still what? what makes you worthy of my little brother's love? He deserves much better then you. A girl who can't even handle her own problems."

This made me furious who the hell does Temari think she is? I slammed my hands down on the table and shot up from my seat and told her; "I love Gaara, and I don't care what the hell you think Temari. Yes I know I don't deserve Gaara he can do much, much better then me. But that's not for you to decide it's up to Gaara if he wants me or not, not you. And if he doesn't want me then fine i'll just try and move on, and if he does then great! but quite acting like such a bitch, the only reason you don't want me with Gaara is because you don't like me, well I have some advice for you Temari; GROW THE FUCK UP! and-" but before I could continue on she shot up from her seat and slammed her iron fan down, making a huge hole in the ground.

"How dare you speak down to me like that you little brat, lets see how much you'll be talking when i'm through with you."

Now would be a great time to have my sword. All I really have is kido but that's useless, my spells won't even touch her. She had an intense glare in her eyes and no way was she playing around. She'll probably kill me if i'm not careful.

"Look Temari, I don't want to fight, I just want to-"

"THE HELL YOU DON'T!" she picked up her fan and ran towards me yelling, "I'M GOING TO KNOCK YOU ALL THE WAY TO DEATH'S DOOR!"

I got into a position towards where I could make a kido spell. "Hado number 33 SOKAT-"

before I could finish and before she could hit me she suddenly stopped and I couldn't move my body.

"What the hell?" Temari said through clenched teeth.

"That's enough you two!" Ino ordered.

I moved my eyes to the side since I couldn't move my head. There was Shikamaru using his shadow possession jutsu. Ino ran up to me and said "Phew! that was a close one."

"Tell Shikamaru to let me the hell go! This is very uncomfortable."

"Damn it Shikamaru let me go!" Temari demanded.

"If I let you guys go are you going to behave yourselfs?"

"Yes now let us go!" we both said.

He released us and to my surprise she didn't try to do anything to me.

"Listen you" Temari turned towards me locking eye contact with me. She clenched her fists together and continued to say what she was going to say "If you hurt Gaara in anyway I swear I will kill you, and that's not an empty threat it's a promise!"

She looked dead serious and angry but does this mean she's agreeing to help? Even with her death threat I smiled and nonetheless I was happy "Understood!"

She sheathed her iron fan behind her back and turned towards Shikamaru "Are you coming or not Shikamaru?"

He was rubbing the back of his neck and mumbled "Man what a drag, why do women have to be so troublesome?" and he started to walk away with her.

"Hey, who's going to pay for all the damage?!" I yelled. I will be damned if I have to pay for something that I didn't do.

"Luckily, the table and that part of the floor suffered minimal damage. Good thing we got here before this place was blown to smithereens."

"That was all Temari's doing, and you didn't answer my question on who's going to pay for this, cause I sure as hell isn't."

Ino chuckled a bit "It's fine silly, we never use this part anyway, so you're basically cool."

That gave me a bit of a relief.

"Oh alright, well see you later, i'm going home."

I rubbed the back of my neck and yawned. as I was walking away Ino called out to me.

"Hey, Nozomi"

"Yeah?" I told her as I was turning around.

"Your secrets safe with me about what happened here tonight and why."

I gave her a small half smile "Thanks."

/

"I wonder how their dinners going." Nova wondered aloud, munching on some chips and sipping on an orange crush.

She was sprawled across a purple sleeping bag with chibi cat designs all over it. The women involved with the plan were all sprawled out in an unused room within the mansion. Each had their own sleeping bag and pillow, dressed in their pajamas. Bowls with various food items spread across between them.

Yachiru stuffed her plump cheeks of every item in each bowel. She was in a long blue baggy shirt, she was sitting down on a pale pink sleeping bag. Like earlier she was only here for the snacks. Mostly because they were rare treats from the world of the living convenience stores. Courtesy of Yoruichi and one stolen credit card(Urahara's)

Nanao clad in a rather elaborate violet night dress with long sleeves. She appeared unusually relaxed and young with her black hair free of it's restraints.

Oichi was busy discreetly trying to eat all the fish crackers, glaring at anyone who tried to reach into that certain bowel. She too, had her hair out of it's bindings. Her long wavy hair practically touching the floor. She had no make up on nor any jewelry in that matter. She wore a white laced nightgown.

Rangiku had a fluffy fur-lined sleeping bag with red vinyl outside. Her tumble of blonde curls were tied loosely to the side over her shoulder. Her make up had been removed and although it didn't diminish her natural beauty, the tired lines under her eyes were now more apparent. An over sized t-shirt and small ratty shorts were her outfit.

Sherry was dressed similarly in a large long sleeved shirt that slipped off one shoulder and long red plaid pants. Her pink locks her tied in a messy pun.

Momo had left her hair in its usual attire but was wearing a grey oversized long sleeved shirt with matching shorts.

Sakura had her hair in a pony tail and had on a pink spaghetti strap shirt with stripes and a little pair of matching shorts.

Mariah and Suri were dressed rather similarly in a long black shirt that went down to their thighs. Mariah's shirt however had '_KUCHIKI' _in bold silver letters and she had on black socks. Suri's was just plain black and had white socks on.

"What dinner?" Yachiru chirped as she swallowed her food(Yumichika had been working on her manners lately.)

Nanao sighed reaching up to adjust her glasses. "Nozomi is having dinner with Gaara's older sister Temari. I wonder too, how it must be going. She's a wild card in this game."

"Temari, huh. I've never really spoken to her before but I hear she's actually pretty skilled, a master in wind." Rangiku lazily ran a hand through her hair.

"Maybe those two got into a fight and crashed the place. Temari doesn't like Nozomi anyway. My moneys on Temari, plus Nozomi didn't even bring her zanpakuto with her." Mariah said as she started laughing.

Before she could say she was "Just joking" Sherry shot up and said "You know I did feel some strong spiritual pressure that way."

"Yeah me two" a few other said.

"Temari and Nozomi's spiritual energy isn't there anymore, either." Sakura added.

Oichi flared her own spirit energy, noting the lack of Nozomi's spiritual pressure, and little to none of Temari's she could detect. She sat up, blue eyes narrowing. She highly doubted Nozomi was any danger, but them not being there didn't look good for the plan. the dark haired women sharply said, " We have to find her."

Mariah was the only one who wasn't concerned. "I say we just leave her alone. If we can't find her then that's probably because she doesn't want to be found. If she's still missing by tomorrow than we'll send out a search party."

"Wait for tomorrow?" Nanao echoed, switching into her practical persona with ease. "But what if something was to happen to her tonight? I think we should find her as quickly as possible."

Yachiru yawned eyes drooping sleepily. "When i'm upset Kenny usually takes me to cut up some hollows, makes me feel really good afterwards. Maybe that's what she's doing right now."

Oichi pinched the bridge of her nose, mulling the situation over. " What if one of us goes and locates her position and reports back here? We won't interfere unless we have to."

"That..seems reasonable to me" Nanao conceded.

"I'll go" Suri volunteered. To be honest she didn't really want to be there and logically she's a master at tracking.


	13. Chapter 13

I finally reached my house I walked into the bathroom and washed my face clean of the make up, I took the beret out of my hair and shook my head letting my short hair out, I took the necklace off and my shoes. I gathered all my things and went into my room. I stripped out of the dress, gently and carefully placing it into the closet. I put on a nice fresh pair of pajamas and threw myself onto the bed. I starred up at the ceiling remembering the scenes that took place not to long ago. there was a soft knock on the door.

"Yes?"

"Sorry to bother you Zomi, but you have a visitor."

A visitor I wonder who..

"Tell them to come in."

I heard Oko telling whoever they were to come into my room. My door opened and Suri stepped inside.

"Oh, lieutenant Meitzen, what are you doing here?"

"You gave us all quite the scare. We had sensed strong spiritual pressure in your direction but thought nothing of it, until we realized you weren't there anymore."

"Oh.." was all I could say, I feel bad for worrying them like that, I should of gone to them right away.

Suri walked over and sat next to me on my bed.

"Do you mind telling me what happened tonight?"

I guess it's only right that I tell her, it's the least I can do for worrying them.

"What parts do you wanna know?" I asked her as I starred at my hands playing with my fingers.

"How about all of it?"

Luckily it was a short dinner and nothing much happened, because I don't feel like explaining a whole lot.

"Temari was saying how it was pathetic of me to have you guys go through so much trouble just so I can be with Gaara, and I should just man up and tell him how I feel myself."

Suri didn't say anything but signaled me to continue on with her eyes.

"Then she told me I don't deserve to be with him and I'm not worthy of his love."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her that I love him and I don't care what she thinks it's not her place to decide if he wants to be with me or not it's his decision, and I might of said a few more things, but then she got all pissed off and tried to attack me until Shikamaru and Ino showed up."

"Ohh, so that's the other spiritual pressures I felt. I knew I felt at least two more."

"Wait, you knew what was going on?!"

"Well, not exactly. While the others were to busy talking I felt yours and Temari's about to clash until out of nowhere I felt two more but I couldn't identify who they belonged to. Anything else happen?"

Anything else happen?

"Oh yeah, Temari said if I hurt Gaara in anyway she'll kill me. So that's basically her way of saying I have her approval."

"Oh, wow. That's good, very good actually. Now we can continue on with the plan. I'll go report this back to the others. They'll be pleased to hear that she's agreeing to help."

She got up but before she could go I called out to her and said "Wait!"

"Hm? what is it?"

"I have a few questions to ask you."

"Alright, well ask away." she crossed her arms around her chest and leaned against the wall.

"I want to know how you found me, I had just gotten home when you came."

She raised her eyebrow and bit her lip, as if trying to think of an answer.

"You're not hard to find, especially when you're having mixed emotions. Recklessly flaring your spirit energy like that, even a complete moron who can barely trace spirit energy like that substitute soul reaper could've found you."

I always thought that I was good at keeping my spirit energy down and under control, but guess not.

"Anything else?"

I paused for a bit, not knowing how to ask my next question.

"H-how did you and captain Meitzen meet?!"

Her eyes widen a bit probably not expecting me to ask her how she and her husband met.

"Ummm.." she bit her lip and ran her hand through her long black hair, she gave me an exhausted laugh. "It's a very long story on how we met and fell in love, but to keep a long story short; we were moral enemies, well our clans were anyway, it was a fight to death battle between two clan leaders, that we fell in love."

A fight to death battle between his and her clan, what a crazy way to fall in love.

"How did you know?.."

"That I loved him? well, before the whole mess of having to fight each other, we were actually childhood friends, and our clans always held secret meetings so you could imagine we saw a lot of each other."

"childhood friends?"

she sighed and continued to explain her story further.

"You see in that period of time our clans were not at war with each other. My mother and his mother were pretty good friends so that's how I was introduced to Razeluxe. As a child I had a crush on Raze. He was always so cheerful and.. he accepted me for who I was.."

I could tell she didn't want to get into much detail, something probably happened that was very painful, so she doesn't want to talk about it. So I decided to back off and change the mood of the conversation.

"I see.. That's an awesome way to fall in love, very cool story to tell your children!"

Wait, I forgot lieutenant and captain Meitzen do have kids, two girls to be exact, Rozalin and Rozalia, I met them last year when they came to visit their parents.

"Heh, indeed.. Rozalia always wants me to tell her the story whenever she comes down to visit." She had a huge smile plastered on her face.

/

"Suri's been out awhile," Oichi said brushing Yachiru's hair into a bun.

The lieutenant had been gone for around an hour. She didn't think any danger had fallen upon her, but she had figured the women would've been back to relay her information more quickly than this.

Rangiku a wand of lip gloss in hand aimed at the little girls lips, muttered, "Maybe she realized we were doing make overs on each other and decided to bail."

"I don't know why, this is fun!" The young girl had been subjected to many dress up parties in her life and loved it. Usually the one dressing her up was Yun-Yun and many other female officers. Sometimes it was nice being one of the only children in the seireitei who wasn't a noble. She got lots of candy and lots of attention.

Momo appeared unconcerned(for once) "Lieutenant Meitzen has a reason for taking so long. We'll just have to wait until she tells us to find out the reason."

"Besides," Sakura chirped, pulling out an array of nail polishes from her bag, "We still have to do each other's nails!"

/

"If that's all then I must be on my way, the others must be wondering why am taking so long."

"Oh, and just another word, I'm sorry for worrying you guys tonight. I didn't mean to it's just that-"

"It's fine, it happens." and she disappeared in a flash.

I really hate when you're talking with someone and they just flash away like they think they can. I flew backwards onto my bed as if I was diving back in a pool. I lied there silently, thinking to myself how and when i'm going to come out to Gaara and what exactly i'm going to say. How's he even going to react when I do? If he doesn't feel the same, what am I going to do? what am I going to say? My friendship with Gaara is on the line here. It can either be ruined or it can be something more. I'm willing to risk everything, and if I shall fail and everything turns to shit than so be it. At least I know I tried.

Maybe just maybe if he doesn't feel the same then perhaps everything can just go back to the way it was, like nothing ever happened. If so then good but if not, well then.. I don't regret anything.

My head was spinning and I couldn't sleep. The ceremony was less then two days away. Head-captain and lady Tsunade had decided to hold a drawing contest. Much to their dismay there were hardly any contestants; Sai, Momo, Sakura, captain Komamura, Rukia, captain Kuchiki, and Shuhei competed.

In my opinion they were all really good and tried hard. Momo and Sai were the last two standing of the seven. I personally think Sai should've won and he would've to, but he suddenly got sick, well injured during a battle and he couldn't make it, so that's how she won. She was so happy and excited so she decided to throw a huge celebration in her success.

With all these thoughts running through my head, I went out and decided to hone my skills a bit. I had went to a secluded area within the forest, so I wouldn't bother anyone or draw unwanted attention to myself. I got into a position perfect for chanting a kido spell. "_Ye lord! Mask of flesh and blood, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of man! Truth and temperance, upon this sinless wall of dreams unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws. HADO NUMBER 33 SOKATSUI!" _Then a torrent of blue energy bursted through the palm of my hands destroying all of the trees in my path and making the ground rupture in half.

Well so much for not drawing unwanted attention and keeping low, maybe I should just skip the kido and just go on to sword practice.

I unsheathed my zanpakuto and began. I flew through my forms easily, muscles awakening after the period of nonuse. With each slash I suddenly kept seeing flashes of my father's disgusting face. I became angrier and angrier by the minute. With each thrust I could practically feel my sword's tip severing through flesh and bone, my Arozome Shigure howled for blood. I swung around, my sword arcing above me, feet dancing quickly. I was slicing through the tall grass, the trees anything in my way sliced down. All my built up anger needed to be released, now was the perfect time to release all that negative energy.

I must of been exerting a little to much spiritual energy without even realizing it. All of a sudden a hollow appeared. The massive yell of the hollow broke me out of my concentration. A huge tentacle came flying in my direction, I barely managed to dodge it. Where his tentacle hit left a huge indention in the ground of his tentacle. Damn he's quick, but not only that but he's huge! He swung at me again, but this time I was more prepared. I ran forward, throwing all my weight to the side and thrusted my zanpakuto to the left and sliced his tentacle off.

Not even a second later he grew another one. What he can regenerate?! He viciously roared. He looks pissed! He charged at me with such speed. Out of nowhere he sprouted another tentacle and with massive force he slammed them into me knocking the air right out of me, causing me to fly back and slam into a tree with the force I rammed into it with it caused the tree to split in half. I hit the ground and blood gushed out of my mouth. I tried to get out but I couldn't. My whole body was trembling, and my sides was hurting. My ribs took the full impact of that hit, it hurts to breathe..

The ends of his tentacles sprouted spikes and he charged at me. I shut my eyes, I didn't want it to end like this, I can't die, I won't die. But I can't move my body. Then out of nowhere sand appeared wrapping around the hollow. "Sand coffin" uh! Gaara?! he's here! After the sand was completely around the hollow, Gaara made a crushing motion with his right hand and said "Sand burial" and the hollow was completely crush by Gaara's sand. Sand started to rain down from the sky. He ran towards me and said "Nozomi, are you alright?"

"Uh, G-Gaara you saved me..."

He had a sincere look in his eyes and said "I'm glad you're alright Nozomi, let me help you up." He smiled and extended his hand out for me to take it.

I had forgotten about my ribs and when I tried to get up a sharp pain billowed over me. "Ahhhhhh!" I yelled as I grabbed my ribs.

"N-Nozomi, what's wrong?!"

Even with such pain i'm over flowing with happiness, to know that Gaara is here with me, being so concerned with my well being just makes me so happy.

I smiled at him. "I'm fine Gaara. I-t's just my ribs.. I think I broke them.. It's okay though.. I-I just need to suck up the pain and heal them.."

He just simply shook his head but said nothing. I was sitting down leaning against the tree. You know I've never been so good at enduring pain. I don't know why, I just never have. You would think for quite sometime in the court guard squads, i'd be somewhat use to physical pain. The truth is though, us in squad four are never in the front lines, we're just always in the background providing back up by healing the wounded. So I guess that could also be part of the reason.

As I started to heal myself I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth together. I didn't want Gaara to hear me cry out, I didn't want him to think I was a weakling who couldn't handle herself and a little bit of pain. AND couldn't survive being flung with TERMENDOUS force into a tree, while my ribs took half the impact. I'm sure anyone could.

I'm sure if anyone else was in my position, they could of easily dodged the attack and killed that monster. If I was stronger, if I was faster, I could of. But no, i'm weak and slow. While Gaara is strong and fast but not only that but so many other things, maybe Temari is right, i'm not good enough for Gaara and never will be. He deserves someone better then me, so much better. I wanted to cry, but I suppressed my feelings and continued to focus on healing myself. When I felt at least a little better, I stopped and stood up.

"Better?" he asked as he smiled at me.

My heart flared.

"Yes.." I muttered out, I couldn't look at him.

"How about we go somewhere else? If you don't mind."

I only nodded my head. I was ashamed of myself for being so weak.. Being with Gaara like this made my heart want to pop out of my chest. Or just being with him in general made me uneasy, I always felt like I could barely breathe around him, like I was suffocating. I can barely breathe when i'm around him, literally. That's how much I love him.

We walked to his house in silence. neither of us saying a word to each other. I honestly didn't feel like talking because my ribs still hurt, A LOT.

"Does your mom and dad mind me being here so late?"

"Of course not, why would they? It's only you after all and they haven't seen you in such a long time, i'm sure they'll be happy to see you."

"I suppose.."

I couldn't help but notice the fact that he said "It's only you" what the hell does he mean by it's only me?

We walked inside and we took off our shoes and left them by the door along with the other shoes.

"Gaara is that you?" Karura called from the other room.

I wonder what she's going to think when she sees me, the last time I saw her was when she came by my house to pay her respects for my mothers death. Hopefully she won't be mad for me coming so late at night.


	14. Chapter 14

"Gaara, is that you?" Karura called from the other room.

"Yes, I have someone here I would like you to see."

Gaara grabbed my hand and we headed towards the living room. Karura was sitting on the floor painting a portrait. She looked our direction and once she laid her eyes on me they practically buldged out of her head. She put her paints down and walked towards me.

"N-Nozomi, is that you?" She asked stopping right in front of me.

Before I could respond she had a huge smile on her face and she pulled me into a tight but warm hug.

"I haven't seen you in so many years, you have grown so much. You are so beautiful my dear! You look just like your mother!" She cupped my face and pulled me into another hug.

"Thank you Karura, and yes, it certainly has been a long time."

She let me go and asked me how my father was, "How's your father, is he doing alright?"

"He's alright, I guess.." I didn't feel like talking about that man right now.

She nodded her head "I see, how's your brother Oko doing?"

"He's good, how have you been Karura?"

"Very nice actually, my dear." she smiled and rested her hand on my shoulder.

It's been a long time since the last time I saw her. She looks as beautiful as ever and she's as kind and gentle as I remember. I'm glad Gaara has such a nice mother.

"I'm going to leave you two alone now, I need to return to my painting. Nice seeing you again Nozomi."

"Yes, it was nice seeing you again as well."

She walked up to Gaara and gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. It kind of surprised me that he didn't pull away or say anything. Not many people like their moms kissing them. But it made me warm inside to know that Gaara was such a momma's boy. Watching them made me miss my own mom. If she was still here I would let her hug and kiss me. So many people take their parents for granted.

They told each other goodnight and once they were done Gaara grabbed my hand and lead me to his room. Wait, why are we going to his room?! He opened the door and told me to go in first. I walked in and he quickly followed closing the door behind him. I just stood there wrapping my arms around myself trying to hide my embarrassment of being alone with him in his room.

"Tell me Nozomi, what were you doing back there?"

I'm very thankful Gaara came when he did, but I don't want to get into this right now, and if anything what was he doing there? he just popped up out of nowhere.

"Well?"

I felt self conscious under his intense gaze, I could feel a bead of sweat trickle down the side of my cheek.

"I-I was..blowing off some steam.. I had so much energy and I couldn't sleep... So I went out to burn some off.."

He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

"I've been hearing quite a bit about you lately." He gave a half smirk, which I found incredibly sexy.

"Really? like what? are they good or bad things?!" okay I talked a little to fast in that sentence, but what if he's catching on to what were up to, what then?! he sighed and said;

"I just find it a bit odd that everyone is saying all these things about you to me out of nowhere. Like; if I find you attractive, if I have a date to lieutenant Hinamori's ceremony, if I knew that you didn't have a date, if i'm single, if I knew you were single.. Would you care to explain to me what's really going on Nozomi?"

So he did catch on I should of known.. Gaara certainly isn't dumb so I should of figured he would of caught on to our little plan. But I can't tell him, i'm not ready, and lastly i'd like to talk this over with the others. I want to stick to the original plan of telling him under the moonlight as we sit under a beautiful cherry blossom tree, the moment just right, the sound of cicadas in the distance. Hearing the soft music play as we both lean in and passionately kiss under the stars.

A blush swept across cheeks, I smiled and giggled at the thought of kissing Gaara. I completely forgot that the guy I was imagining myself kiss was standing across from me.

"Something funny?"

Uh!

"No!" I lied..

"Answer my question."

"I don't know honestly.."

"Really? so the dinner with Temari was for nothing?"

Uh! Ho-how does he know that?! and why is he being so pushy?!

"How do you-"

"Know? Temari isn't the type to get all dressed up for nothing. At first I thought she was just going to have dinner with Shikamaru, but Temari has a big mouth, I overheard her talking to Shikamaru about meeting you for dinner. Plus Kankuro doesn't shut up about you, he's been talking about you for days now."

Gaara... I..love you.. Why is it so hard for me to say that? Why is it so hard for me to jump into your arms and crash my lips down on yours? Why can't I love you freely without feeling ashamed? Why can't I do anything without feeling ashamed..? Tears filled my eyes. I tried looking away so Gaara wouldn't see how pathetic I was for randomly crying in front of him. He walked towards me and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Nozomi, you are my dearest friend, I care about you deeply," he paused for a bit.. "If you are unhappy tell me, and i'll do whatever I can to help you, i'll try and take your pain away the best I can."

Dearest friend...

I could feel the heat of his breath on my ear.. That's it, that's all it took and my tears started rolling down my cheeks, my cries turned into sobs, loud, painful sobs.

"Oh, G-Gaara..." I gasped his name through my cries into his chest.

Ohh Gaara, I love you so much.. If only you could see that.

/

Two days had passed since that night with Gaara. I haven't talked or seen him since. Tonights the night of the ceremony and I must say, it's not even for me and i'm extremely nervous. Well actually tonight I tell Gaara how I feel. I should of done it two nights ago, but I simply couldn't I wasn't ready. I'm still not..

The last two days have been extremely busy. Since so many people are being sent on missions, a lot of been coming in and out of the fourth division with severe injuries and wounds. Yesterday we had a total of sixty patients come in and only thirteen of us were on shift including lieutenant Kotetsu and captain Unohana.

I'm still pretty exhausted. It's hard having so many people rely on you to save them, to make them better, to nurse them back to health. But this is my life and at the end of the day I feel happy and accomplished that I could help somebody, that I could save someone's life. No matter how exhausted or worn out I get, no matter the situation, time, or place I will be there to help them in anyway I can. Even if it's not physically I will do my best to help them, as I would want the same done to me.

It was the middle of the day and the sun was blazing. I was having a little sparring session with Neris. I was drenched in sweat and my uniform clung to my body like a second skin. We had only been at it for forty minutes and already I was tired. Neris stopped swinging at me.

"Nozomi is something wrong? You seem unfocused." she raised an eyebrow. "Does it have anything to do with tonight?"

I couldn't deny it, Neris always knew how I was feeling. I kind of wanted to avoid thinking about Gaara until tonight. The thought of confessing to him tonight made my stomach turn.

I was trying to get control of my breathing, I tried to swallow to moisten my dry mouth, but there was no point in it since my mouth was so dry, it felt as if I had cotton in my mouth and I was just trying to swallow them down.

"I'm just tired. It's been really busy lately, it hasn't been like this in awhile, so i'm just a bit exhausted. Plus, I haven't been able to sleep. And it's also so god damn hot!"

She gave me a half smile. She put her hand in front of her face to shield the sun away from her eyes.

"How about we call it a day? We can talk there in the showers."

I nodded my head in agreement and sheathed my katana.

We walked to the bathing houses the barracks housed for us seated officers to use after a long ass day of work. The cold water was a bliss to my skin after today. I felt comfortable around Neris, so I didn't really care if she saw me naked, and I guess she felt the same because she always strips naked in front of me.

"Sooo?" She said, "Tell me what's happening. We haven't talked in awhile, so you're going to need to fill me in on the blanks here."

I explained everything to her and she giggled as I told her.

"What's so funny?" I asked as I changed into a white kimono, I was going home after this so it didn't really matter what I wore.

"You have nothing to worry about.."

"Oh? What makes you so sure?"

Like really? I have everything to worry about. I'm terrified he's going to reject me.

"Can't you see Nozomi? Gaara has feelings for you, he cares."

"How do-" she cut me off mid sentence.

"If you cannot see it then i'm not going to sit here and try to explain to you. You are so blinded by your own fear of rejection that you cannot see what is right in front of you. Don't be scared take a leap and use this opportunity to tell Gaara. You never know until you try Nozomi. If you tell him the only thing he can really say is "yes" or "no" but if you chicken out you can just sit there on the sidelines watching as another girl bees happy with what you could of had and you'll regret it for the rest of your life. In this situation it goes hand in hand, you can either win it or lose it. It's all up to you Nozomi, nobody else. So what's it going to be?"

I soaked up all her words and took them to heart. She's right it's all up to me. If I don't do this then I can just step aside into the sidelines and watch another girl be happy with Gaara and I won't allow that, i'll be damned before that happens. A sudden wave of courage and boldness had hit me. In that moment I knew that I could do this! It's all thanks to Neris, I owe her one.

"Thank you Neris. You know, you've helped me out a lot, and I've done nothing for you. But just you wait, if you ever need anything just tell me and I promise i'll be there, just like you were for me when I needed help the most."

"I appreciate it I really do it means a lot. But being friends isn't always about helping each other out or talking everyday, it's about the connection you feel towards one another. The deep bond you two have made that no one could ever destroy, that not even death itself could sever. That's what friendship means." she paused for a bit and continued. "I know you'll be fine and you'll make the right choice. I'm sorry I cannot be there, but i'm leaving for a mission in two hours and I won't be back until Saturday."

"Are you kidding? Who cares if you're not there. You're like the best emotional support anyone could ask for. Because of you I have finally opened my eyes. I would still be sitting there doubting myself, thinking that I couldn't do it. That's not the case though, because you helped me." and it's true I truly am thankful for Neris.

She smiled. She was putting her wet hair into a side braid. She walked over to me and pulled me into an embrace, kind of like how Gaara did.

"Huh?!" my cheeks sprouted a light shade of pink.

"I'm happy I could help, Go get em' tiger!" She pressed her lips against mine, she pulled away so quickly it was like she didn't even kiss me, she collected her zanpakuto and uniform and walked out.

Neris, she j-just ki-kissed me! I placed my hand over my lips. It felt like I had butterflies in my stomach. I-I had never, ever kissed another girl or even thought about it. Her lips were so soft against mine, I rubbed my thighs together, getting a tingling feeling down there. Wait! I snapped out of it and grabbed my belongings and ran out of there.


End file.
